If only I knew
by sonea91
Summary: 21 years ago Bella disappeared. 21 years later Edward is still hearbroken and Cait Bella is finally making some friends, not remembering who she used to be. But will Cait find out who she really is? And will she and Edward meet again?
1. Prologue

**This is the first time I'm actually trying to write a fan fiction. I just got this idea in my head and wanted to know what you're thinking about it. My mother tongue isn't English, therefore my writing style is far beyond perfect so please don't be too hard on me concerning Grammar errors or writing style.**

_I am actually going to tell this story from different characters' POVs. Bella's, Alice's, Edward's, Liam's and maybe even a few more. Therefore the settings will also be different, and except of the prologue, you will get to know what happened during the last 21 years in different flashbacks._

_Well, a bit about the general situation. Bella is living in a small town in Ireland, with her best friend, Liam, who is also the one who changed her. She's lost her memory, and therefore doesn't remember anything that happened in her human life. Liam named her Cait after his own human sister, but we'll get to know about his family situation later on._

_Edward never found out that he has a daughter, and he's still desperately searching for Bella, even 21 years later, because he doesn't understand why she left him and is not able to be happy without her._

_Alice became godmother of a girl called Claire._

**That's as much as I'll reveal right now. Well, here's the first chapter, the prologue, hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, it all belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. **

_21 years ago…_

BPOV

I had been walking for hours, thinking. I knew I was being pathetic taking off like that after that stupid argument with Edward, I should have seen it coming. He had been worried about hurting me before, he probably always would. But why the hell did I have to get so furious about it? Maybe because it was all I ever wanted, being with Edward, the two of us just becoming one.

I sighed.

We would just have to be more careful the next time. And there would be a next time, Edward could be as stubborn as he wanted, he wouldn't win this argument.

Well, I definitely should get going back soon, Edward was probably already worried, I hadn't told him where I was going, in fact, I hadn't told him that I was going out for a walk at all. I just needed to clear my head after that stupid row we had. Yes, I should go back and sort things out with Edward.

But just not yet. I suddenly felt that I was actually exhausted and I didn't know why. Sure, I'd never been much of a fan of walking and I avoided sports of any kind, but still, this was an unnatural exhaustion, even for me. I just let myself slide to the ground, wanting to rest at least for a while. It was only then that I noticed that my stomach had swollen, and I don't mean the kind of swollen you get after you've hit something. I'd stumbled across roots and slipped probably about a million times on my walk, me, being as clumsy as usual. But that was exactly it, I knew how it felt getting bruises after you've hit something, or your ankle swelling after you've twisted it, but the swelling of my stomach was nothing like anything I'd ever seen before. And it didn't feel natural all the same. Putting my hand on my stomach I panicked. My stomach was still swelling, and in a speed that was far beyond anything natural and I even thought I felt something kicking inside. I didn't know how it felt to be pregnant, but that's exactly how I felt, and at least five months into the pregnancy. I was gripping my stomach tight with my hands, as if I could have stopped it from growing any bigger. Oh god, what was happening to me.

For the first time I actually wished that Edward could be able to read my thoughts. Edward, Edward! If only he knew how much I needed him right now!

I was trying to get up again, but I couldn't. I still couldn't make out what was happening to me. Pregnancy was out of the question, Edward was vampire, and besides, I'd only slept with him once, just the night before. I was in insufferable pain now. I was holding on to a rock, just as I was about to black out…

The next thing I remember is waking up next to a beautiful baby, or at least it looked beautiful to me. But then I panicked. Where was I, who was that baby lying next to me and where did all the blood come from? I was in serious pain, but I felt the urge to get away from this place which was scaring me at any cost. So I made my way through bushes and brushwood, crawling on all fours, through thorns leaving marks on my arms and legs. I didn't care, I just wanted to get away, get away from the state of nerve I was in: fear, anger, pain, confusion all rushing through me at the same time. So I gladly welcomed the promising darkness of unconsciousness as I passed out.

**Please R&R! I'm not sure yet, whether this story is actually worth being written, so please let me know what you think! Thanks! **

**If you have any more question concerning the plot and so on, just ask, I might reveal some facts^^**


	2. At Cait's grave

**So this is the first chapter. I have the storyline for another two all worked out, but I'm not going to update, until I get a review because I still don't know whether anyone really likes this story. So please R&R!**

BPOV (_I'm still going to call it Bella's point of view, even though she considers herself to be Cait)_

It was an unusually cold November afternoon and I would have probably been freezing if I'd still been human. I didn't like graveyards, to me they've always been symbols for death and decay, and a lot of sad things. However, I did not mind going to this particular one, for more than just one reason. Firstly, I went to comfort Liam, as I knew he liked to have someone around going there. But I also didn't mind going there, or rather, actually enjoyed it, because this was not one of those modern graveyards.

On modern graveyards you would see all those stressed out people hurrying around the graves, most of them rather just doing their "duty" than actually caring about the person at whose graves they were standing at. Well, of course, there were exceptions, but this is just how it felt to me, and I didn't like that atmosphere of tension, or people looking at their watches while they were praying for their beloved ones.

Maybe I shouldn't be the one judging. I have all the time of the world left to do whatever I want to, they've only got around 80 years. But sometimes I ask myself whether they aren't better off with their 80 years. At least, they didn't have to hide from others who they truly were. At least, they got to experience everything that is part of life, going through high school and college (well, so far I did as well), but also graduating, meeting someone to spend the rest of your life with. Becoming parents and grandparents and eventually die.

Well, the dying part was probably not the best one, but what I envy them for is the feeling that you are loved. Of course, Liam did love me, but it was more the kind of love a brother feels for his sister, and I was sure happy that I had him, but what I was longing for was more. I could see it every day, when I saw a couple on the street. It wasn't their actions that gave them away, but their looks, this I-am-happy-with-my-life smile and those eyes that were screaming "I'm in love". I don't know whether it was that obvious for everyone to see when people were in love, but to me it was. I observed people a lot, as I could hardly befriend any of those humans, so I considered myself pretty good at interpreting their facial expressions.

For some strange reason or another, neither I nor Liam had ever experienced that sort of love. I wasn't even sure whether vampires could fall in love, so far I hadn't met any others, besides some loners, and Liam of course. We'd chosen to live quite isolated from the vampire community, if something like that even existed, but moving to a small town in the middle of nowhere in Ireland, where no other vampires lived anywhere close, didn't really help to find that out. I sighed.

I looked down at Liam, he had sunken down to his knees, silently praying. I'd never been religious, or rather I don't recall being religious. And didn't the existence of vampires prove that there was no such thing as a god?! Well, Liam still believed in God. We had had quite a few discussions about this topic, but they were sort of pointless as we always ended up with me asking him how he could be so sure that god existed and him answering "I just do!" And it wasn't that he actually convinced me or his answer that stopped me from replying to this last sentence, but the way he said it, and the look in his eyes; his evident faith. And I sort of understood that he had to believe in god, that without his faith, he would have fallen apart years ago. He had to believe that his sister was at a better place now, or at least that somewhere she still existed, or the guilt which still tormented him would have torn him completely apart.

I took in my surroundings once more. We were at a very old graveyard, and the gravestone in front of us was by far not the only weathered one, in fact, you could see that it was one of the only graves that someone was still looking after. Most of the people lying there had died during and of the great famine, like Liam's parents, but Cait was probably the only one who had died of another reason than having starved to death.

I liked this graveyard, not only because there was rarely anybody else besides us standing there (in fact, I've only seen somewhere there once, and he looked more like a nosy tourist), but because this place had its own atmosphere. It was an atmosphere of sadness, but at the same time of calmness and ease. I loved just standing there, my mind wandering off to very different places every time I went there.

Liam got back up on his feet, paying one more glance to the grave on his left, his parents' grave, and then another, longer one to the one in front of him. There wasn't even an inscription on the original gravestone, just the year, 1852, when the tragic incident had happened. In front of it, hidden behind a wild rose bush, there was another small stone, the one I had made after our first visit at the grave. It was a very plain one, having only carved the words "Cait Brady – beloved sister – R.I.P." into it.

Liam then turned around and nodded at me. He was ready to go.

**So I hope you liked this chapter. And please, I'm begging you here, R&R!**


	3. Meditative thoughts and funny moments

**So I'm just gonna update another chapter, hopefully someone will leave a review on this one^^**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight or any of its characters.**

**Alice's POV**

"Bye, Al. See you later." Claire was waving at me as she walked out the door.

Great. Now that Claire had left, I could finally start making that cake with which I wanted to surprise her for her birthday. Tomorrow it would be exactly 21 years since I'd found her in that forest, oh god, I couldn't believe how fast time had passed. Still, I could remember every little detail from the day that I had found her…

"_Alice, this is Edward! I desperately need your help. Bella and me had a fight, after that I just left, because I needed some time on my own, anyway I came back, and she's not here anymore, I've already been looking for her anywhere but I can't find her. I don't know what has happened to her!" _

_The shock hit me really hard, Edward sounded exhausted so he must have been running around trying to find her. Why hadn't I looked out for Bella? I had simply believed that she would be fine on her honeymoon, so I hadn't even tried to get any visions of her and Edward, even more, I had blocked them out, as I didn't want to intrude their privacy. But what had I done. I probably could have prevented all this from happening if only I had looked. _

"_A-L-I-C-E!" Edward was shouting through the phone, apparently not for the first time. _

"_I'm sorry, what did you say?" _

"_Could you try to get a vision of Bella's whereabouts?"_

"_Sure!" I hadn't even considered this yet, how stupid was I?! _

"_Alice?!" Edward really sounded annoyed this time._

"_Sorry!" I concentrated for at least a minute and gave up, frustrated._

"_I can't get a clear picture of her. In fact, I can't get any picture of her at all!" This had never happened to me before, the only thing I was certain about was that Bella was in deep trouble._

"_Right. Thanks for the effort."_

"_Edward wait!" It was too late. He'd already hung up. _

_Of course all of us went. Carlisle, Esme, Emmet, Jasper and even Rosalie and me got on a plane only an hour lately. _

_When we arrived we all spread out desperately searching for Bella. But she was nowhere to be found. _

_And then I got to this little clearing. There was blood all around, fearing the worst, I was about to call out to the others. But then I saw her. She was lying there , crying helplessly. Someone must have given birth to her there, that would explain all the blood, even though it was quite a lot of blood in my opinion. But how could anyone leave her own child like this, somewhere where it was quite certain not to be found._

_I took the little creature up into my arms. At once she stopped crying and was just looking at me very earnestly. I had a vision then, seeing myself with her several years later, us laughing together. So I would take her with me and she would grow up with me looking after her? I looked at her again and I suddenly knew that this was the right thing to do. I had already taken her to my heart._

_Moments later I met the rest of our group, nobody had found any trace of Bella's. Seeing their questioning looks, I briefly explained to them, what had happened. Only Edward seemed oblivious to the fact that I was holding a baby in my arms. At first they looked irritated but nevertheless they accepted my decision to care for her. As Carlisle concluded, if the mother would have still been around, at least one of us would have stumbled across her whilst searching for Bella. _

_We had searched every inch of the place, there was nowhere left to look for Bella, so we gave up, we didn't want to, but we simply had to. Where she had gone was a miracle to us all. Normally, we would have been able to find her simply by following her scent, but it somehow got lost in the forest. _

_Edward couldn't deal with it. I could see the guilt in his eyes, hell, I was tormented by my own guilt. _

_The baby in my arms started to cry. It reminded me that I had another responsibility right now. Strangely, I felt already attached to this little thing. I still felt guilty for not having been able to prevent the whole situation, but somehow, looking after the baby consulted me, it just felt right to look after the baby who I had found at the place where Bella had disappeared. I somehow felt that I owed this to Bella._

Yeah, our first meeting had been under bad circumstances indeed. But things had gotten better, at least for us. It had been Japser who had come up with the name, Claire, he had always loved this name and I agreed, it was a beautiful name indeed, and it seemed to fit this baby just perfectly.

Even though Jasper and I had taken care of her from then on, we didn't want her to call us "Mum" and "Dad", it just didn't feel right. Instead we had taught her to call us "Al" and "Jasper". When she had been little, I had told her the story of how her parents had died in a car accident and how Jasper and I, being her mother's best friend and therefore her godmother, had decided to take care of her. I hadn't wanted the little girl to grow up, thinking that she had been abandoned, that she had been unwanted. Still, I don't think Claire had ever really believed me. It's not that she had asked for any proof, no, but when we would talk about it, she would have this look in her eyes, saying "I know you're not telling me the truth."

She was 10 when she got to know the truth. I couldn't hide it from her any longer. Now she knows everything. Even about us being vampires, but she had guessed most of it already. Well, it was certainly hard not to notice, if the two people you were growing up with didn't ever eat any food in front of you.

I was really worried about the Volturi, but strangely enough, they never interfered, or at least none of them ever showed up on our doorstep. It's one of the reasons why I'm always so concerned about Claire, but by now the Volturi must know about her, for one reason or another they just decided not to interfere. At least not yet.

And there was something strange about Claire herself, as a child she had grown unnaturally fast. At the age of 10 she had already looked like 16, and she had stayed pretty much the same ever since. We never figured out why that was, otherwise she totally behaved like a normal human being. She ate human food, had to breathe and she detested the smell of blood.

Still, there was always something odd about her, and all of us were wondering at times, where she'd come from, who her parents had been. And Claire herself probably wondered the most. We didn't talk about this subject very much, because she didn't want to, but still, at times I saw her completely zoning out, and I knew she was thinking about her parents when, wondering what could have been. I couldn't blame her, I would do the same if I were in her position. But I knew that the phases were she would go all quiet and just reflect on her thoughts would pass, and she would be back to being happy, living a life as normal as it can possible be, considering that you're living with two vampires.

Well, Edward, I worried a lot about him these days. Only yesterday had I gotten a vision of him, being up somewhere in the North.

Just after Bella had disappeared, he had been looking for her everywhere, anywhere she could possibly have any connections, too. I was already concerned then, but at least he had still had something to go on, he had still had some hope left.

But when he finally had had to admit that his search had been fruitless, that he would not find her. We were relieved at first, thinking he would finally return to us, but he never did. Realizing that he had lost Bella forever completely destroyed Edward's world. He could not deal with it, could not deal with his guilt, even though we had told him about a million times that it hadn't been his fault. Ever since then, he had sought isolation. I'd only seen him twice in the last 20 years.

The image of him I'd seen in my vision shocked me, though I'd already known what state he was in. He had looked like a broken man, who had lost his will to live.

I completely startled as someone touched my shoulder. What? How? Who? Then I heard Jasper chuckle behind me, a rush of emotions flooded through me: relief, followed by anger and fury.  
"How dare you?" I screamed at him.

"How dare I what?", he asked innocently.

"You know exactly what I mean. How dare you startle me like this?"

Jasper nearly choked (well, if that would be possible for vampires, but you get what I mean, right?) as he tried not to laugh out loud at me, my furious glances even deteriorating his distress. When he just couldn't stop himself anymore, and burst out laughing.

"It's not that funny, you know", I said rather sourly.

"It's not that. Well, I knew that you wanted to make that cake and all. But can you please explain to me why you're pouring the flour down the sink?"

"Oh." I blushed as I realized what I was doing. Caught up in my thoughts, I hadn't even started to make the cake, but instead I had wasted all the flour. Then I looked down on me. Great! Not only had I managed to pour most of the flour down the sink, I had also covered myself with the rest of it.

"I didn't know that it was winter yet", Jasper didn't even try to suppress his smile anymore.

I threw another furious glance at him, but he was right, I did look like a snowman or rather –woman.

"You know what. I have no flour left whatsoever, so you are going to go to the shop now and buy some new one, while I am going to have a shower."

"Right. But be careful and remember, the water is supposed to go down the drain of the shower, and not to flood the whole bathroom. Can you manage that?" With that he quickly left through the front door, before I could push him out. I heard him laugh as he left.

Looking in the mirror I had to laugh myself. I surely had been a memorable sight.

**Thanks for reading. Don't forget to review!**


	4. Mourning Bella

**A big "thank you" to emma183! Her review really encouraged me to update again!**

Edward's POV

I was standing in the pouring rain. Not like I felt it anyway. But I had somehow started to like being out in the rain, the raindrops running down my skin.

I was in a forest. I spent quite a lot of time in forests these days. For one, because it was there I had lost my Bella, and being in a forest someone made me feel closer to her. The second reason was quite simple. I enjoyed the silence! Especially on a rainy day like this you were unlikely to come across any other person. And I needed to be on my own. I had needed to be on my own for the past 21 years.

Bella. My Bella. I just missed her so much. Still. I knew that quite some time had passed since she had disappeared. Jeez, I knew exactly how much time it had been, 21 years to date: 252 months, 7669 days, 184 056 minutes, 11 043 360 seconds had I spent without her. 11 043 360 completely worthless, wasted seconds.

I had been falling apart, I was perfectly aware of that, but I had let myself. I had had to mourn Bella, losing her had been like losing all my will to live.

In the beginning I had kept myself busy by trying to figure out what the hell had happened to her. I had filed a missing person's report, even though that was more for the sake of Charlie's than that I had actually believed that the police would find anything. If vampires hadn't found anything, how the heck should they have been able to. I had only went back to Forks for this one thing, to tell Charlie. Alice had offered to do that for me, but I had declined. Bella had been my responsibility, I was the one who had promised to protect her, so I had to be the one who was getting blamed for it. Frankly, I had even wanted Charlie to yell at me, to tell me that I had failed, that I had been the one responsible for his daughter's disappearance.

But he had never done any such thing. He had been terribly shocked, of course, even devastated, but he'd never blamed me for it. "It's not your fault, Edward", he had even said to me once. That had not been what I had expected, that had not been what I had wished for.

I had left Forks straight afterwards and looked for Bella everywhere. I had at least wanted to find out what had happened to her, where she had gone. I had checked out all the friends Victoria and James had had, if any of them could have acted out of revenge, but it had turned out to be a dead end.

21 years had passed, and I still hadn't figured out what had happened to my precious Bella. If only I knew…

The rain had stopped. I looked up at the sky. There was a cloud which had the shape of a heart. I quickly looked back down.

I knew that my whole family was worried about me. It wasn't fair but I couldn't help it. Or maybe I could. It was probably about time to return to them.

**So I know this is a very short chapter, but I hope I'll be able to update again soon.**

**Please don't forget to review.**


	5. Vampire acquaintances

**Thank you all so much for your reviews. So this chapter is a wee bit longer, and I also tried to put some more details into it. Please let me know what you think.**

**Cait's POV**

We were not even half-way home, when I smelt it. The scent of other vampires. This could mean big trouble, if they were nomads, hunting humans, our lives which we had so carefully built up here over the last years was endangered. If mysterious deaths happened, people would start asking questions about the suspicious looking neighbours, and there was no way we could afford that. But what the hell were vampires doing here, in this very remote Irish town?

I looked at Liam, he looked concerned, so he had caught their scents, too. Both of us started to run at the exact same time, towards our home, because that was exactly where the trail was leading us to.

Three vampires, two female and one male, were standing in front of our house, knocking on the door. Shit, they definitely outnumbered us. If it came to a fight, we were almost certain to lose.

As they heard as approaching, they turned around. Nobody said a word at first, we were all just carefully examining each other.

I took in their looks as I was staring at them. The woman on the left had shoulder-length, dark brown hair, about my size and she looked very thin. The other one had long, blond hair, normal figure, but for a woman she was quite tall. I could see their eyes sparkling in the dark, both with excitement and caution, and, what was even more important, they were golden. I couldn't really make the man out, as he was standing behind them, but his countenance was very cautious and he seemed to lean protectively over the two women in front of him.

He was the one to make the first move, stepping out from behind the others.

He was quite tall, black hair, athletic figure, same golden eyes, which were examining me thoroughly.

"Hi. I'm Martin."

"Cait." I reluctantly shook his hand. I was relieved that they were obviously not human-hunters, but I still didn't know what to make of them.

Martin then offered his hand to Liam, who also shook it hesitantly, and I knew that he did not know what to do anymore than me.

Now the blond stepped forward as well. "Sarah", she offered.

"Melanie", introduced the second women herself. "You might never guess, but Sarah and me are twins, though I'm 5 minutes earlier."

"Jeez, you can never leave out the 5-minute-thing, can you?", Sarah asked Melanie, though she didn't really looked offended, rather amused.

I saw that Martin was slightly rolling his eyes. So this had to be some kind of inside joke. I felt myself relax a bit. These people didn't really seem dangerous to me.

"So, are you actually living here? I would never have guessed that there would be any vampires around here." It was Sarah speaking, and she really seemed surprised.

"For quite a while now", Liam provided. "But what took you up here?"

"Well, you see, we've been living in the U.S.A., here and there, for quite a while. And since it was time for us to move again, Sarah here suggested going and living in Ireland for a while. She'd been living here for a year when she'd still been a human, and she'd just loved it. Meli and me agreed, as we were both looking forward to some change", Liam explained to us.

"So are you thinking about settling here?", I asked the crucial question.

"Well, we were planning to, that is, if you don't mind. We know you've been here first, and if you don't want us around, we'll just have to find some other place for ourselves." Melanie answered really politely.

I exchanged a brief glance with Liam, well, I didn't mind, these strangers seemed nice enough, so it was really up to him. But his eyes insinuated, that he didn't mind at all and I saw him briefly throwing another glance at the blond woman.

"Well, I think we wouldn't mind at all. It can get quite lonely out here, so we surely would well appreciate some company. So why don't you come on in, and we can have a chat." I led them through the door and inside the house. It was the first time we ever had visitors; we had avoided any contact with humans as good as possible, so this was really the first someone else entered our home. But I had a good feeling about this, we might finally be able to make some friends.

****************************************************************

We all took a seat in our living room. Liam and I on the one couch, Melanie and Martin on the one opposite and Sarah sat down on the armchair. I saw them all taking in their surroundings, but if they were irritated by how little personal things we had added, and how sparely it was generally furnished, they didn't mention it. I suddenly noticed how close Martin and Melanie were sitting and the private looks they were exchanging. It was quite obvious that they were a couple, there was this certain sparkle between them. It must have been weird for Sarah though, I mean, living with your twin sister and his boyfriend. I wondered how she felt about it, however, that was not the kind of question you'd ask.

And awkward silence had emerged, as nobody knew how to begin a conversation.

Finally, Liam was the one to break the ice.

"So how did you all meet? Well, it's quite obvious, how you met" he pointed at Melanie and Sarah, "but how did you get to know Martin?"

"Well, if you don't mind, I'd like to go into a bit more detail to explain things properly", Melanie suggested.

Liam and I both nodded in agreement, so she went on. "You see, Sarah and I aren't Native English speakers, in fact, we are both German."

I was surprised. They didn't look German to me. Then again, I didn't know what I expected German to look like, and the accents, well I suppose you would speak English quite perfectly if you'd been practising for long enough.

"You see, we've never really been separated throughout our whole lives, except for once. When we were 16, Sarah decided to go and spent a year in Ireland, going to school there. I rather stayed at home with my friends and family, and we kept in close contact, writing letters and talking on the phone every once in a while. It was weird not having her around though."

I saw Sarah smiling and nodding in agreement.

"After school, we had planned on going on a holiday to America for six weeks. We had everything planned out, every little detail." She let out a small sigh.

Sarah took over the talking there: "So we got onto this plane to New York. The flight was exhausting, but we'd been so looking forward to New York that we really didn't care. So the first few days were just class, we had such a great time, everything went perfectly fine. The one day, we'd decided to take a trip to a small lake outside New York we'd heard of. We'd rented a car and were on our way to the lake on the highway, when one of our tires burst. So I somehow managed to park the car on the verge and we got out."

"Of course neither of us had ever changed a tire before!" Melanie went on. "So we were completely clueless. At least there was an instruction in the car, but it was more confusing than actually helpful. So I was standing there, studying the instructions and trying to understand them, while Sarah just preferred the "learning-by-doing" method and was messing around with the tire, when I was suddenly grabbed from behind."

I saw that Martin was putting his arm around Melanie and pulling her closer to him.

"I screamed, and then I felt a bite on my neck. After that everything just went black. The next thing I remember is seeing Martin."

Sarah shuddered. "I remember hearing her scream, so I turned around towards the place where I'd thought she'd be standing, but she'd disappeared out of sight. That was when I panicked. I ran towards there, shouting for her, but I didn't get an answer. When I stumbled across a root sticking out from the ground, and next thing I see is my shadow on the ground, and then another shadow, leaning over me, and someone or something biting me in the neck. I remember how shocked I was, that the shadow didn't look like an animal at all, but like a human being. I tried to turn my head, but I blacked out before I managed to."

"Well, I suppose this is where I have to take over. But again, I have to go back a bit. I myself had been changed 10 years before, so I was still considered quite a young vampire at the time. As a human, I'd been living in New York and as a vampire, I'd still felt to attached to the place to leave it. Anyway, I was changed by a vampire called Peter, the same one who bit Meli and Sarah. As far as I know, he'd been in and around the area of New York for quite a while. Well, sure, most vampires still hunt humans, but he didn't just hunt them when he was thirsty, he hunted them for fun, usually just leaving them hurt like they were, most of them dying a most painful death, the stronger ones changing into vampires, but left on their own, without anyone to turn to and unable to understand what had happened to them. It is said, that he sometimes didn't just leave them lying there, but watched them as they were slowly but surely dying! If you ask me, it's far worse than actually killing someone!"

Martin sounded furious when he told us that. Well, I completely understood why, I was disgusted myself, how could anyone be so cruel?!

"Well, at least, just a month after he'd bitten Meli and Sarah, which was 31 years ago, the Volturi got him. He'd been messing around to much, and people had started to grow suspicious, there had been too many suspicious deaths with unsettled causes of death, so the Volturi finally had to step in and killed him."

Just as he deserved, I thought to myself. But I was quite sure, that everyone else was thinking the exact same at the moment.

"So, to get back to the subject: I found Meli and Sarah lying there by mere chance, well, they prefer to call it destiny."

The three of them where smiling at this statement.

"So I took them back to my place and cared for them, making sure that they'd survive the transformation. And luckily, they did."

"We still owe him so much, we probably always will", Melanie concluded.

"I think you've paid me back enough for the two of you, in a much more delightful way." Martin was flashing a meaningful glance at Melanie.

"Argh, too much detail!" Sarah interrupted them. I felt grateful to her. I was fine with them being a couple, but I really didn't need to listen to their cooing**.**

"So you guys are going steady?" Liam asked, totally baffled. Was he blind?

"Well, yes", Melanie just answered.

"But, isn't that strange for you, I mean, living with your twin and HER boyfriend?" Liam had turned to face Sarah. Gosh, didn't he know that this was one of those questions which you are just NOT supposed to ask?

"Well, sort of. But I'm fine with it, I suppose, I'm used to it by now." Sarah stuttered, obviously embarrassed by the question. I could have sworn that she blushed, if that hadn't been impossible.

"So how did you two get changed?" Melanie asked, eager to change the subject. Unfortunately, she hadn't exactly chosen the best topic for it.

"Well, mine is kind of similar to yours, actually" I started. "Except that Liam didn't just take care of me after some other vampire had changed me, but he was the one to bite me in the first place."

They looked puzzled. Sarah was the one who finally had the courage to ask: "But, sorry, I don't want to sound rude, but why did you change her?"

"Well, you see, because of the circumstances under which I found her."

Liam looked at me, worried, he knew that I didn't like to talk about that, but I just shrugged, sure, it was fine, they would get to know it eventually anyway, so why not tell them now.

"See, when I found her, she was lying in the middle of a forest, unconscious, and covered in blood. She wasn't bleeding anymore, and I never figured out where the blood had come from in the first place, but still she was in pretty bad shape, she must have had injuries inside or something else, at least I was 100 percent certain that she wouldn't live to see the next day. She somehow reminded me of my late sister and therefore I couldn't bear the idea of her dying, too and, this might sound a bit selfish, but I was also looking forward to having a companion. I had been on my own for one and a half centuries." I could hear the bitterness in Liam's voice, when he mentioned his years of complete loneliness and isolation.

"So have you ever left Ireland?" Martin questioned us.

"Oh, no, we only moved to Ireland about 21 years ago, that is, just after I met Cait" Liam replied.

"But, sorry again if we're being too nosy, so you aren't Irish? Because your names sound pretty Irish to me." Melanie sounded curious.

"Well, Liam is, I am not, as far as I know, but I might as well be. You see, I don't remember anything from before I was changed. We never figured out why I lost my memory, but I suppose it has something to do with why I was so badly injured when he found me."

They seemed to realize that this was a touchy subject, so Sarah turned to Liam and asked him: "So what's your story?"

"It's very complicated." Liam answered evasively. "It's a long story, so I think I'll better just tell you some other day."

They seemed to understand that Liam didn't really want to talk about it, so they dropped the subject.

"So, have you always been vegetarians?" Martin asked us.

"I have never even touched a drop of human blood!" Liam answered proudly.

"Me neither" I added. "Well, I suppose Liam took pretty good care of me. What about you?"

"We've always lived as vegetarians, too. Well, I think the way I was changed also helped to strengthen my will not to touch any humans." Martin responded.

"There was this one morning, I was out on my own." Sarah had closed her eyes and seemed to be talking more to herself than to anyone else. "We'd all thought I was strong enough by then. Well, we were wrong" She laughed bitterly."I just wanted to go to hunt some deer. But suddenly, there was this delicious smell, a human male, walking on his own. I couldn't restrain myself, so I hunted him, and I killed him." Her voice had become nearly inaudible during the last few words.

"It wasn't your fault. It happens to a lot of us, barely any vampire can control themselves in the beginning." Melanie tried to soothe her sister.

"Well, you ALL could." Sarah sounded terrible ashamed of herself, but I knew that trying to comfort her would just make things worse.

Well, we definitely had had some ability to bring up some touchy subjects this evening.

"So, where are you folks going to stay?" Liam asked, as none of us wanted to dwell on this subject any longer.

"Well, actually just down the road." Martin laughed. "So we're going to be neighbours."

"Oh, now that you mention it, I think I saw some furniture removers down there yesterday." I recollected.

"Yeah, we got some of your stuff shipped over from America" Melanie replied. "So I suppose it's time for us to get going, we still have a lot of things to arrange. Anyway, we've bothered you for long enough. But sure, why don't you guys come down tomorrow to our place?"

"That would be lovely" Liam and me agreed.

"Well, it was lovely meeting you all." Sarah said. "See you tomorrow then."

****************************************************************

After they'd left, Liam started watching some horror movie on the TV, while I decided to take a shower. It had been a lovely evening, well, we hadn't exactly talked about the most interesting subjects, and more than once we'd manoeuvred ourselves in very strange positions, when nobody knew what to say. All the same, they really seemed to be nice, and I hoped for us to get along just fine. It would be nice to have some more friends and I was sure we would find some less troublesome topics to talk about the next day.

Well, I actually hadn't been completely honest towards them. I had lied when I'd said that I didn't remember anything from my life as a human. I did remember one thing, or at least I thought that it was something I had seen in my human life.

There was this picture haunting me, a picture of a small baby, and I was absolutely certain that it was girl. This picture just popped into my mind at times, and I saw it now too, the picture of this sweet little girl, but I didn't know what connection there was, if there was any connection at all. No, that wasn't right, I somehow knew that we were connected, but I just didn't have any idea how.

The first time I had seen or remembered her was probably about five years ago. I had tried to forget about it, but I couldn't.

At the time I hadn't wanted to find out what my past as a human had been like. Liam had explained to me, that I wouldn't be able to live with my family, as they would notice that I was different and that I wasn't going to be growing older. So what was the point of first finding them and them having to give them up again? It would have just hurt even more if I'd known what exactly I was losing. At least I'd thought so. I wasn't that sure anymore. Sometimes, I even regretted not having looked for my family when I probably should have. And then again, I was still wondering what had happened to me that I got so hurt?

And, the most important question: What had this little sweet baby girl to do with it all? If only I knew…

**Thanks for reading. Please review!**


	6. Happy 21st

**So, here's the next chapter. It's written from Claire's POV, so let me know whether you like that or whether you prefer other POVs. Thx!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its content or characters;)**

**Claire's POV**

21!

That was the first thought that came to my mind when I woke up that day. I wasn't really excited about my birthday, at least not as excited as I should have been (according to Alice), but to me it wasn't really all that much of a big deal.

I yawned and glanced at the clock. Jeez, I was up early, it was only half past five. Well, I was awake now, and I knew that it wouldn't be any use just to keep lying in bed. I was one of those persons who, once awake, didn't fall asleep again very easily. So, suppressing another yawn, I got out of bed and made my bed to the bathroom.

I could hear someone rambling around downstairs. That had to be Alice. I'd told her that I didn't want her to make a big fuss about my birthday, but she obviously, as usual, had ignored my wish. Well, I'd deal with that later, first I really needed to get that shower.

The water was warm and I felt myself relax completely. I even started to look forward to this day, after all, this was my 21st, now I was officially a grown-up! I stayed under the shower for quite a while; it was just so warm and cosy in there.

Out of the shower, I put on my bathrobe and slippers and went back to my room. I could hear people talking downstairs; wait, so that meant it wasn't only Alice and Jasper down there?

I was pretty sure that I could make out Esme's voice. Probably the whole family was waiting for me downstairs. I sighed. I should have expected that coming.

Back in my room I wondered what I should best be wearing. I had originally planned to just put on a pair of jeans and a nice shirt, but with them all downstairs, it made me sort of conscious of what I was wearing. So I spent at least half an hour in front of my wardrobe, trying on different outfits and dismissing one after another, one because it was too casual, the next because it was too festive.

In the end I settled for my original plan: My favourite pair of jeans and a nice, purple top, which I had only bought the week before. I carefully applied some make-up and pinned up my hair into a new hairstyle one of my friends had just showed me recently.

Finally I added some nice earrings to my outfit and a necklace which Alice had given me for my 20th birthday. Ready. Once more I checked myself in the mirror before I went downstairs.

As I went downstairs, every one had gone quiet, they'd probably heard me coming. As soon as I opened the door though, I was greeted with a "happy birthday" from all sides. Emmet was the first to pull me into a hug, one of his massive bear hugs, which left me breathless every time, but the way I knew Emmet, this was exactly what he intended.

And then, one after another, they all came up to me, hugged me and congratulated me: Rosalie, Esme, Carlisle, Jasper and at last, Alice.

When Alice stepped aside I realized what she had to be trying to hide from me. In the middle of the living room she'd put this massive chocolate cake, on which she'd probably spent hours only for the decorating.

"Alice", I stammered "This cake is just unbelievable. It looks gorgeous."

Alice looked content. "Wait 'til you've tried a piece of it!"

"But, who is supposed to eat that all. I mean, this cake is massive, and none of you eats cake."

"Well, there's one person in this room who I've heard likes cake very much" Alice continued in a singing voice.

"And that person will have to eat the cake all by herself" Emmet finished her sentence. Everyone started laughing. It was so typical of Emmet to say something like that. But I had to be careful, he would probably actually try to make me eat it all.

"Well, sure, you can give some to your friends. But firstly, you have to try it!" With that Alice sliced a huge piece of cake for me.

"Alice, that's far too much!" I protested.

"Nonsense! You haven't even had breakfast, so you'll be fine." I knew that she would make me eat it all up anyway, so I probably should have just given in, but I protested one more time, in vain, as she just completely ignored me.

After I had assured Alice that the cake tasted just as delicious as it had looked like, the others started to give me their presents. Emmet went first. He'd gotten me the latest book by my favourite author, Stephenie Meyer and a CD from a rock group which I'd never hear of, but Emmet assured me that they were "just fucking great".

Esme and Carlisle were up next. Esme had arranged a beautiful photo album for me, with picture of all of us since the very first day. We spent a considerable amount just looking at the pictures and remembering some good times we'd had.

Meanwhile I'd finished my piece of cake. It had been delicious, but I was completely stuffed. I could swear that it was at least one second that I hadn't been watching my plate carefully, which I had placed on my lap, but one second was all it took Emmet to place another, even bigger slice of cake on the plate. I looked up and saw Emmet grinning at me. Oh yes, he was enjoying this little game very much.

When Rosalie went over to talk to him, I at once seized the chance. I took a napkin, wrapped it around the cake and quickly slid it behind my presents lying on the shelf. When Emmet looked at me the next time, he looked utterly confused. I could see his gaze drifting around, trying to figure out what had happened to that beautiful piece of cake, but he didn't detect it. Now I was the one grinning at him, clearly, I had just scored a point.

I noticed that Jasper was trying his very best not to burst out laughing, he had probably be watching our little game all along. He smiled and winked at one, so I was right, I had really just won this little intern match.

Then Rosalie addressed me: "I'm sorry, Claire, but you will have to wait for my present, you won't get it 'til later on." She threw something which looked like an apologetic smile at me.

Jasper, who had probably overheard our conversation, suddenly jumped up from his chair and exclaimed: "Jeez, Alice and I still haven't given you our present yet. We better should give it too you fast, before Alice decides to keep it for herself."

Alice poked him in the side. "Hey, I would never do that!" - "Yes you would. Don't you even try to deny it. I saw you when you were looking at our present." Jasper quickly got out of Alice's reach, avoiding to get poked again.

"Well, anyway, Claire. We need you to go outside for a moment, so that we can prepare for it." Alice ordered me.

What the hell was this present that they still had to prepare for it? It probably was another one of Alice's crazy ideas.

Anyway, I decided to do them the favour and went outside.

Looking up, I gasped. There, just right in front of our house, was a brand new beemer. I stared at it, it just looked perfect, completely black and I adored the shape.

"Oh, shoot! Alice, I think she's already found our present." I could hear Jasper's cheerful voice from inside.

So this was supposed to be mine? I couldn't believe my luck.

Alice had stepped outside and was standing right beside me. "So, I assume you like it?" She was smiling crookedly at me.

"Like it? Alice, I love it. But this is too much. I can't accept this."

"Of course you can, and you will. Here are the keys!" Jasper was holding them towards me, but I didn't take them, still too shocked. "I had assumed you would want to go for a ride immediately, but if I was mistaken, I can just take them back inside."

He was now playfully waving with the keys in front of me and I finally grabbed them. Jasper chuckled: "I told you, she would like it!"

"I never said she wouldn't" I heard Alice answered, but I was too busy examining the car to really pay close attention to their conversation any longer.

"Do you mind..:?" I had half-way turned around to Alice.

"No, sweetie, sure, it's fine. Take your time. Just promise to drive carefully."

"I will." This advice was sort of a joke anyway. Sure, all of them, except Carlisle and Esme perhaps, were driving like maniacs themselves. Compared to them, I was driving really carefully.

***************************************************************************

I had been driving for at least two hours when I finally got back to the house. I loved the car, it speeded up in what felt like nothing and it was a great feeling just sitting inside it. Not that I hadn't been happy with my old car, it had been alright, but compared to this one, it was nothing. The beemer was just classy.

When I got back to the house, everyone was still were, talking. Esme had cooked lunch for me, Spaghetti Carbonara, my very favourite meal and it just tasted delicious. I was often wondering how both Esme and Alice were able to cook so well, even though they never tried the food they were preparing.

Sooner than I would have thought the afternoon passed and it turned evening. When I finally glanced at my watch I jumped up from my chair, shocked. It was already 8! Everyone looked at me surprised, waiting for an explanation.

"I haven't realized how late it is and I still have to prepare for going out tonight" I complained.

I could hear Emmet and Jasper starting to laugh, but I really didn't have the time to be bothered by it. I was supposed to meet up with some friends at ten, we were going out for my 21st.

I quickly ran up the stairs and once again ended up in front of my wardrobe. I hadn't even figured out what I was going to wear. Well, what suited best for someone who had just turned 21?!

There was a light knock on the door and Rosalie entered, hiding something behind her back. I sort of guessed that this was my birthday present, but this really wasn't the time for it. Slightly annoyed I turned around to her: "What is it, Rosalie?"

"Well, you know how I told you that you wouldn't get my present until later. Well, I just figured that now would be a good time." Just as I had figured. But she was wrong about one thing, now wasn't a good time at all.

"Well, I though you might need this." With these words, Rosalie finally revealed her present, and, not for the first time that day, I gasped. She'd gotten me a beautiful, long dress, which was dark green with little, silver embroideries on it. Once again, I was speechless. "Rosalie, that is…" I was lacking words there.

"Just try it on, will you?" Rosalie asked me. At that moment there was nothing I would have done any happier than doing her this "favour".

I quickly slid out of my clothes and tried the dress on. The satin was softly brushing my skin. I looked at myself in the mirror. The dress just fitted perfectly, I looked stunning in it. The only thing I needed where earrings and maybe a necklace to go with it? But did I have anything that matched the dress?

"Ah, someone's looking for jewellery here." I looked up, surprised. Neither had I noticed that Alice had meanwhile entered the room, nor that I had been playing around with my ear, wondering which earring I could put in.

"Yeah, I'm just wondering." I admitted. "But I think I might not put on any jewellery on at all. It might just spoil the dress."

"Nonsense. You cannot wear a dress like that and then NOT put jewellery on" Alice stated. "And I totally agree with her, you don't get a choice on this." Rosalie added.

Ah, they didn't know my dilemma! "You see, I don't really have any jewellery that would match a dress like that."

"We will see about that" Alice said, leaning forward and carefully examining all the jewellery, which was spread out on my desk. I already knew that she wouldn't find anything.

"What about this one?" She suggested and held up a beautiful, silver necklace, which I had never seen before.

"Alice, that's not mine. I have never seen it before."

"Well, you have seen it now, isn't that enough?" She chuckled. "Well, it's yours now. I couldn't have Rosalie give you that beautiful dress and me not adding something to the outfit. Oh, and besides" and with that she pulled out some earrings, "I nearly forgot about those."

"Alice, you are crazy, you both are. You shouldn't be getting me this much for my birthday!"

"Don't complain. Just put it all on." Rosalie replied, smiling.

So I put the necklace and the earrings on, and they just perfectly matched the dress. "What about shoes?" Rosalie suddenly asked, concerned.

"Oh, don't worry. I have some black ones. They should be just fine." I answered her. And indeed, the shoes went perfectly with the rest.

"Alright, so we'll better leave you to fix up your makeup. Come down as soon as you're done." Alice said.

"Right. Thanks again so much you two." I hugged them both tightly, though also carefully trying not to crinkle my dress.

I quickly finished my makeup. One last check-up in the mirror: Even I had to admit that I looked pretty in that dress, the colour of the dress just perfectly mirroring the colour of my eyes.

I went back downstairs. When Emmet looked at me, he whistled appreciatively. "Nice, Claire. You're really looking good. We'd be better watching out for all the guys whose heads you are going to turn tonight." I blushed, slightly embarrassed.

"Don't listen to that jackass." Jasper commented. "But you really do look good."

"Claire, you haven't had anything for dinner at all, have you?" Esme interrupted, sounding worried.

"I will be alright, Esme. I've had tons of cake today, so I'm sure I'll survive."

"So when do you have to go?" Carlisle asked.

"Actually" I glanced at my watch "now!"

"Bye you all!"

"Bye, Claire. Have a nice night out." Everyone shouted at me. Everyone that is, except Alice. She had completely zoned out. I knew what this meant, she was having one of her visions.

Then, all at once, she had regained her natural composure. "Bye Claire. Have fun tonight!"

"Bye Alice. See you later."

As I was leaving through the front door I could hear Jasper asking Alice what was wrong.

"It's Edward." She simply answered. "He's looking for us."

**So that's it for today. I've written this chapter in a wee bit of a hurry, so I hope it's not too bad. As usual, please review.**


	7. Friends

**Sorry that it took me so long to update, but I have quite a lot of things going on at the moment. Also, this chapter is not very long, I'm afraid. But there's one thing you have to tell me. **

**Do you prefer long****er chapters, or shorter chapters, but therefore sooner updates? Please let me know!**

**I also put some quotes into this chapter, don't know whether you like that idea, so please let me know that as well.**

_Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things. ~Author Unknown_

**Cait's POV**

We went down to visit them the next evening. I was just about to knock on the door, when Melanie opened from the inside.

"Come on in," she invited us. We followed her into the living room. Passing through the rooms I figured that they had pretty much unpacked everything by now, well, I suppose if you're doing it in vampire speed, you would be quite fast.

When we got into the living room and I stopped in astonishment. The whole floor was covered with books, and Sarah was sitting in the middle of them, taking one book, putting it on one of her piles, then, taking the book back, redeciding and putting it onto another one. She was so occupied with her work that she hadn't even noticed us entering the room.

Meanwhile Martin had gotten up from the couch on which he had been sitting and switched off the TV, now carefully walking over to us, trying not to step on any books. He somehow managed and greeted both me and Liam.

Melanie then cleared her throat lightly, then a bit louder, when very loudly, until Sarah finally looked up. "Oh, hey guys. I haven't even noticed you're here."

Martin asked: "So you still haven't figured out whether you wanted to arrange according to the colour of their book cover or…"

"Hey, I never said anything about arranging them after the colour" Sarah interrupted him. "I just sill haven't figured out whether I want to arrange them according to the author, or according to the topic of the book."

_A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they're not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they're not so bad. __~Arnold H. Glasgow_

"I know, that's really hard to decide" Liam stated, his voice thick with irony.

"Well, for her it is" Melanie laughed.

"Hey, don't pretend you would have gotten any further than me. I can clearly see that you haven't put any books in your shelf yet either!" Sarah exclaimed.

Another shelf? But I couldn't see another one!

I dared to take a step into the room. Then I could see that there were actually two more empty shelves in the other corner of the room, one the same size as the one I'd already seen, and one which was about twice the size. Jeez! And there were even more books lying around. I gasped.

"Oh, don't worry. They're not all mine!" Melanie assured me. "See that line there" (I did not see any such thing as a line, but I believed it to be wiser not to say so, so I just nodded) "well, the ones on the right of it are my books, when the ones in the middle, that means between that line there and the line on the left" (I couldn't see a line there either, but it didn't really matter) "those books belong to both me and Sarah, and well, the ones Sarah is sitting in at the moment are hers."

At that moment, Sarah decided to get up, but she did it rather inelegantly, knocking over one of the piles she'd just been accumulating.

"Shit" she cursed. "Well, it's not like I would have kept them in that order anyway!"

"How do you survive living with these two?" Liam asked Martin.

"Well, I keep wondering the same thing" Martin replied, which earned him a poke from Melanie. "But, you see, I don't really worry about them organizing their own books. They'll probably have that done by the end of the week" (which meant 4 more days to go, jeez!) "But you should see them, trying to figure out how they are going to arrange the books they own together, that is far, far worse. First of all, they have far more books together, than each of them has individually, because they have quite a similar taste. But second, and that's the real problem, they can never, ever decide when they do something together, because neither of them wants to make the final decision."

"Oh, we're not that bad" Sarah said, as she'd finally managed to cross the room and was now standing beside us.

"No, you're far worse." Martin replied, but there was a lot of humour in his voice.

"Well, I think I know a way to help you" Liam revealed. With that, he carefully made his way through to one of the book shelves and simply took some books from the floor and put them in.

"Ah, that's no good" Sarah said, who had followed him and who at once put the books back to the floor.

"Why?" Liam asked. "At least you would have them tidied up somehow!"

"Because you haven't arranged them at all, you're just putting them in arbitrarily."

"You better just give up" Martin added. "It's useless, they are not going to listen to you anyway, I've tried it about a billion times."

"Well, you've been awfully quiet, you know that?" Melanie had turned towards me.

"I suppose she's just too shocked to say anything" Sarah laughed.

I smiled. "No, it's not that. I'm just not used to talking to so many people. You know, all these years, it has just been Liam and me. I don't recall having talked to any other people, ever. I mean, I have talked to them, but only for things like "can you tell me where the next bus stop is" and things like that. Never to real people, I mean…" I was having difficulties trying to explain what I meant.

"You mean to friends." Melanie asked, and I slightly nodded. Friends, yes, that was probably what I had meant. "You know, you have us now." She added. "And who knows, we might become friends after all."

_If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will soon find himself alone. A man should keep his friendships in constant repair. ~Samuel Johnson_

"Thanks" I replied, touched. I would love to have them as friends, even though they seemed to have some quirks, but they all were so nice and so sincere.

_A single rose can be my garden... a single friend, my world. __~Leo Buscaglia_

"Well, why don't we go outside and take a seat on the terrace. I don't think we'll find room for us to sit down here and it's quite lovely outside at the moment" Martin suggested.

He led us out to the terrace, there was not much on it, only a simple table and two benches, but you had a great view on the hills around from there.

Melanie directed me towards one of the benches and sat down on my right, Sarah taking the seat on my left. Martin and Liam seated themselves on the bench opposite of ours.

"So tell me" Sarah addressed me "are there any good night clubs around?"

"Well, to be honest, I don't know" I answered truthfully. "I'm not exactly the outgoing type of person, so I've never been to one before.

"Well, we definitely have to change that" Sarah concluded. "We will MAKE you go out with us." She smiled.

"Don't even try to object to her" Melanie added. "She can be very stubborn and persistent, if she wants to."

"Well, sure. Why not give it a try?" I answered hesitantly.

"That's exactly what I wanted to here." Sarah was content, not hearing or not wanting to hear the hesitance in my voice.

"So, tell me. Have you got a job or anything" Melanie asked Liam.

"No, actually we haven't been working at all for the past couple of years." The others looked surprised, and Liam looked embarrassed, well, I felt a bit embarrassed myself. "You have to understand, we've been living here for 20 years, so if we had taken up any job, people would have started to wonder about us not aging by now. I earned quite a few bucks during the time I spent in the USA, so we're still living off that money"

"Well, that's understandable" Martin said. "So, did you actually settle here like forever, or are you going to move at some stage?"

I looked at Liam. This was really his question to answer.

"Not forever, I suppose" Liam answered. "Just for another few years."

"Well, if you're sure, that you are going to move within the next 6-7 years, when we could all try to find jobs together" Melanie suggested.

"That's a good idea" Liam said, and I agreed. It was about time for us to start to actually be doing something in our lives.

"So let's call it a deal" Sarah concluded. "Well, you actually still have about another two weeks to think about it, because it will take us at least that long to settle in properly and to unpack all of our stuff." By stuff, she probably meant the books.

"So how come you two read so much?" I asked them. They looked surprised, but also pleased. Well, it was probably for the first time that I had asked them a personal question.

"You see, we both discovered our passion for reading books when we were still humans" Melanie explained. "I think, we started to develop this passion when we were just about eight, both of us at the same time. We'd been moving quite a lot, and we didn't really have that many friends then, so we spent a lot of time reading then. Later on, I'd say it was about when we turned 13, we'd settled in properly in our home town, Regensburg, that's a city in South Germany, and we'd made a lot of friends, so we spent quite a lot of time with them. Also, school had become more stressful, so we didn't really have much time left for reading. So, you see, it's been a childhood passion, which we picked up again just after we'd turned into vampires. We still do make some friends wherever we go, but the problem is, you can't really grow that attached to humans, because you know that you'll have to leave them eventually, and that you won't be able to keep in contact with them and at the same time, you don't want to hurt them by simply disappearing without explaining why. So we figured it'd be best not to grow to attached to humans."

"As to vampires" Sarah added. "So far we haven't really met any yet we would have liked to be friends with. There are some nomads we've met, and we sometimes meet up with them, but that's it."

"Well, we're not the only ones who could need some friends then" I replied, surprised by my own sudden frankness.

"Looks like someone is opening up at last" Liam more whispered to himself than said it to anyone in particular, but due to our vampire hearing, we all understood him just perfectly. Everyone just smiled, and suddenly I just knew, we were all to become great friends.

We all were silent for a while, everyone just lost in their own thoughts.

_True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable. __~Dave Tyson Gentry_

We spent the whole evening just chatting, and I was really enjoying myself. I had never laughed as much, never been as happy. It was far past midnight when Liam and I eventually left. I had agreed to go shopping with Melanie and Sarah the next day, as Melanie had said they wanted to take me to do some "human stuff". I was looking forward to it, though I didn't really know, whether I'd enjoy it. I'd only ever shopped for the essentials, never spent more time in a shop than necessary. Well, I would find out soon enough.

_A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be__._

**So, please review. And let me know whether you prefer longer chapters or shorter chapters (which means more and quicker updates). Thanks!**


	8. Shopping

**I suppose some of you are hoping that Cait/Bella and Edward will meet as soon as possible. ****I can just promise you one thing, they will meet, but it will take another while to get there. So, hope you just enjoy reading!**

**Ah, and sorry to all those who would prefer to read more about Edward, but I promise, the next chapter is going to be an "Edward" chapter;)**

**Cait's POV**

The girls picked me up two days later.

"Time for our big shopping trip" Melanie announced. "So are you ready?"

"I dunno, I guess" I answered coyly.

"Then let's get going." Sarah said. "We have a bus to catch."

We had decided to take the bus from Monaghan bus station to Dublin. I had suggested to run to Dublin, it wouldn't have taken us that long, considering that we all were vampires and were able to run quite fast, but Sarah had disagreed: "You have never been shopping with Melanie. Vampire or not, you are going to be wreaked afterwards. And we'll have loads of bags to carry."

I didn't really know whether I was really looking forward to this trip. I mean, I was definitely looking forward to spending time with the two of them, but shopping? It was not like I had much experience in that area, but it just sounded so boring. I mean, why do people shop for clothes if they don't need any? Why waste time like that? Well, certainly, vampires have enough time to waste, but what about the humans? They tend to shop quite a lot as well, as I've observed. Don't they fear that they might waste too much time? I mean, they have only a certain amount of time left, and spending it with totally unnecessary things sounds like a complete waste to me.

Well, I wasn't really in a position to judge. I'd never tried it, at least at far as I remember, and that was probably more a result of me not having any shopping bodies than me really detesting it as much. As I've already mentioned, I'd never tried it.

A few days ago, I would have just left it there, would have kept all those thoughts to myself. But I had gained a bit of self confidence over the last few days. So why not just starting talking about it, it couldn't hurt. And anyway, where was not much else to do on our way on the bus.

"So, why do you actually like shopping so much? I don't really see the point in shopping" I admitted. "I mean, of course, I do buy clothes when I need new ones, but why should I go shopping if I don't need anything? It doesn't make you happy."

"Argh, you're not getting the concept of shopping yet, I think" Melanie replied. "Bo Derek once said «Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping.» And I think she's right. See, I love to dress up a bit, I love to express myself by the way I'm dressing. And I have to throw in another quote here. Have you ever seen «The Devil Wears Prada»?"

I slightly shook my hands. Again, not as far as I remembered.

"Anyway, it doesn't really matter. But in the film, they have a discussion about fashion, and one of them, actually a man, can you believe it?, states that «fashion is not about utility. An accessory is merely a piece of iconography used to express personal identity.» I agree with him. When I choose my clothes, I do not only choose them because I like the colour of it, or the way it stresses my amenities. I do choose them for that reason, too, but to me it's more important what those clothes say about me as a person."

I probably looked a bit disbelieving, because Melanie felt the urge to add: "See, when you see someone completely clothed in black, you at once assume that they want to distance themselves from society. If you see someone wearing very colourful clothes, especially bright colours, you can infer that that person is very self-confident. And so on."

I nodded. Now I got what she meant, she definitely had a point there.

"Well, and people also use clothes to impress people." Sarah said. "Well, I don't, at least, not to impress. But I wouldn't for example wear very bizarre clothes, because I just wouldn't feel comfortable in them. And people would definitely stare. And, another thing, I suppose you've never been in love."

That remark hurt, but she was right, but again, as far as I can remember.

"You see, when you love someone, you want to impress that person, you want them to think that you are pretty and you want them to be attracted to you, just as you probably wouldn't be happy with a boyfriend who dresses oneself frowzily."

Sarah was right, too. Jeez, it looked like I would simply have to start liking shopping for the sake of arguments.

"And, of course, shopping is not only about buying clothes either. It's also about keeping one another company, hanging around with friends, joking, laughing, simply having fun." Melanie commented. "I don't really like to go shopping on my own; I have to have the right people around. And if the conversations aren't any good, at least they can help you choosing the right clothes" she remarked, smiling.

"Well, I suppose it depends on oneself, whether you really like shopping or not." Sarah concluded. "I mean, shopping is like any other hobby: Some people like dancing, others prefer drawing or reading, the next loves playing football. So, if you figure, after this day, that you don't like shopping at all, it doesn't really matter. Because Melanie likes classical music whereas I don't. I'm interested in politics whereas she isn't. It doesn't matter. It's what makes us individual."

"Well, I'm half persuaded that I might actually like shopping, not because I've ever tried it, but just for the sake of all those arguments you've pointed out." I laughed with them. "Anyway, we'll see, we'll be in Dublin soon, won't we?"

"There's like half an hour left" Sarah answered, glancing at her watch.

There was one subject I wanted to know more about, but I wasn't sure how to ask. But I felt comfortable around those two, and I knew that they wouldn't hesitate to tell me if I was to blunt, so I decided to just ask straightforward.

"So" I turned towards Sarah, "just before you mentioned something about boyfriends and falling in love and all that kind of stuff. I mean, I know that Melanie and Martin are a couple, but what about you? Is there anyone in your life?"

"No" she answered. "I mean, there has been, when I was still human. I think I had three serious relationships. But none since I was changed. I suppose I just haven't found that special someone yet."

"And what about you?" I asked Melanie. "I mean, I know that you met Martin practically as you were being changed. But did you at once know that you are in love with him? And that he is the one for you?"

"Jeez, you're asking really difficult questions." Melanie said. "Well, you see, I think there's a difference between falling for someone and actually being in love with someone. In the beginning, it started just like any other relationship. You notice that you are attracted to the other person, that you, well, really like them. And when you start going out with that person, start dating. Then, if you realize, that it could really all work out, in some cases it leads to a relationship. And one day, with one person, you just realize that's him. That's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Maybe I expressed that wrongly, you don't really realize that one day, this feeling develops, so that at some stage, when someone asks you the questions, whether he is truly the one, you find out that you can actually honestly answer that question with yes. And they might ask you and you ask yourself, when did that happen, that you can say for certain that he's the one. And you figure, you don't know, you can't place it, it just happens. Of course, some people believe to have found that special someone more often, at least some do."

"So, I assume you haven't?" I asked.

"No. I did have boyfriends before, but none of those relationships ever lasted any longer than a month. Martin was the only one I ever felt that deeply in love with."

"What about you then?" I asked Sarah.

"Well, I don't totally agree with her." she said. "When I started to go steady with someone, I always thought that I had found that special someone. I mean, when you're head over heels in love, you don't really think about it that much. You just live for the moment and enjoy it as much as you can. - But, what about yourself. Have you ever…" She stopped right there, probably just remembering that I'd lost my memory of my life as a human. And from the way Liam and I had been living, she could have clearly figured, that I hadn't had a boyfriend as a vampire either.

As I didn't want things to get uncomfortable, I thought it easiest just to answer: "No, I haven't. At least, not that I could recall. But I think, it must be one of the greatest things in the world. You know, I sometimes watch all those happy couples passing me on the street and sometimes, I just feel so jealous, I can't help it!"

"I know what you mean" Sarah said. "I mean, for us vampires it's even harder, there's not that many of us, and there can't be too many living to close together, because the humans can't find out. And not everyone can be as lucky as Melanie here, no offence, sister."

"None taken."

"See," she continued. "I sometimes think that's the reason why we vampires are immortal. Because for us, it can take centuries to find that special someone!"

Melanie started to laugh and Sarah and I soon joined her.

It might have been a silly assumption, but I could somehow understand Sarah's logic.

Suddenly Melanie jumped up. "People, we're there." None of us had realized that we had realized that the bus had stopped.

We quickly assembled all our stuff, only Sarah somehow managed to drop all her things and, cursing, crawled under the seats to pick up her things.

We said our thanks to the bus driver and got out of the bus. I excitedly took in my environment. It was only the second time I'd ever been to Dublin, the first time being the flight from America to Dublin.

"So, let's get going." Melanie announced. "We still have a lot of things to do."

"Don't take her too serious" Sarah whispered to me. "She's not as bad as she makes herself sound."

"Stop whispering, you two. I can perfectly hear and understand you!" Melanie gave out to us, but there was an edge to her voice, that gave away that she wasn't angry at us at all.

"Ej-ej sir" I saluted towards Melanie, just as I had watched seamen doing it on TV.

That was too much for Melanie, she couldn't keep up her pretense of being mad at us any longer. Her lips started to twitch and then she just burst out laughing.

"You guys are just - " she was desperately searching for the right word.

"Amazing. One of a kind." Sarah suggested.

"Unbelievable" Melanie finished her sentence. She put one arm around me, and one around Sarah. "But now, there's no way out of this anymore" she threatened us jokingly. "We are going to go shopping right now, even if I have to drag you there."

We went into the first big store we saw. It had a lot of nice clothes, and I found an adorable skirt and tried it on. It fitted perfectly! That was all I had actually needed and I'd found it within the first two minutes.

I looked around to see where Melanie and Sarah had gone. I could see Sarah standing at the other end of the shop, trying to figure out whether the shirt she was looking at looked better in purple or in green. She was probably standing there at least for three minutes until she shrugged, and just took them both to try them on.

Melanie just passed me, and she had at least 10 different outfits in her hand. "Here, could you hold that for a second?" she aked, pushing half of the clothes into my arms, as she disappeared into one of the changing booths.

"Hey, and don't leave" she shouted out from in there. "You'll have to judge whether these clothes actually fit me!"

Half an hour later, Sarah and Melanie were finally finished trying on various clothes. I was relieved; I just wanted to get out of there. But as Sarah realized that I was only planning on buying the one skirt, she started protesting.

"You can't be serious" she said. "Have you even tried on other things?" she asked.

I shook my head and she just replied "I thought as much", pushing her clothes into Melanie's arm and was gone. She was back not even a minute later, with two shirts, a blouse and a pair of jeans.

"Here, try these on" she said, handing them to me.

"But…" - "No but" she replied, pushing me into one of the changing booths. I sighed intentionally, and rolled my eyes, but she just laughed and didn't really care.

Well, it was probably easier to just give in. I tried on all of the clothes, and Melanie and Sarah forced me to present them all to them for them to judge. The blouse actually fitted perfectly with the jeans, and once I'd shown them to Melanie (Sarah had disappeared again, heaven know whereto), she just exclaimed: "Oh my god, you look gorgeous. You HAVE to buy those."

"You're sure?" I looked at myself sceptically in the mirror, but she was right, they did fit me quite well.

"I am absolutely sure! You have no choice on this anyway."

"Alright then" I said, trying to put an angry tone into my voice, but I didn't really manage to, I really liked that outfit myself. Melanie just smiled at me knowingly.

Each of us left the shop with a big shopping bag. I was relieved to be outside again. "Oh, look there" Melanie exclaimed, pointing at another shop. "I wanna go there!"

I knew that protest would be a complete waste, so I just sighed. "I haven't like shopping, ever!" I stated.

"Do you think that or did you actually remember it?" Sarah teased me.

"I - I don't know" I murmured. I didn't know how I could be so certain, but I just knew that I'd never liked shopping. Melanie threw me a curious glance but was too tactful to ask. This was bothering me, was I remembering it or not?

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

Four hours later we were on our way home on the bus and I was completely wreaked. Not only had they dragged me through every shop in Dublin (ok, I know that I'm exaggerating, but I'm trying to make a point here!) but they'd also made sure that I tried on different outfits in each one of them and I'd ended up buying a nice, dark green dress and two more shirts and a new pair of shoes.

It had been fun though. As much as I didn't like the shopping part (the part with trying on clothes etc.), I had enjoyed being with Melanie and Sarah a lot, it felt great to just hang out with them.

We didn't talk much on the way home, Melanie was listening to her Ipod and Sarah was reading a newspaper that she'd bought. I myself was trying to sort out things. Several times that day I had experienced déjà vus. When Sarah had shouted at me across the whole shop just to tell me that I should definitely buy the shirt I was just actually looking at or when Melanie had dragged me along to help her choose a pair of shoes. It just had felt so familiar, as if I'd done things like that before.

They could be coincidences, couldn't they. People have déjà vus all the time, some people explain it that it's something about the brain, that one half of the brain realizes something a split second before the other one or something like that. I probably shouldn't be thinking about it as much, but, it was weird, and I didn't want to let myself consider this, but it had somehow felt like a memory.

**So, as usual, please leave me a review and tell me what you think. Wishes, notes, suggestions, anything's welcome, as long as I get some feedback;) Thanks! **


	9. Coming Home

**So here's another chapter from Edward's POV. Hope you like it!**

**As usual, I still don't own Twilight, and the song mentioned in this chapter is "Colorblind" by Counting Crows, I don't own any parts of that one either, though it's a truly beautiful song.**

**It's a short chapter, I'm afraid, but I promise that the next ones will be longer. And I also know that this story has been sort of "static", but I promise that there's going to be more happening in the chapters coming on.**

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**Edward's POV**

I had decided to run. I didn't have a car, and I wouldn't have felt comfortable getting on a bus or train, there were just too many people on them. After all, I liked running, and it had been one of the few things that helped me to get through the past years. When running, I was able to clear my head and to actually let go. Running for me meant not having to think of anything, and I enjoyed that very much.

So it was actually the first time in ages that I allowed my thoughts to wander while I was running. I felt ashamed and I was worried. I knew that I had hurt them badly by just leaving like that, and I knew that especially Esme hadn't taken it very well. But it had been impossible to stay with them, everything there was a reminder of my time with Bella.

But would they forgive me for just taking off? Well, I knew that I didn't really needed to worry about that, my family loved me, but was it really the best decision to return home? Was I really ready to leave my past behind, to not be mourning constantly and to lower their mood just by being around them?

I knew I'd been on my own for too long, so I was willing to give it a try. I would see if it wasn't going to work out anyway. At least I would have tried.

And I was also looking forward to seeing my family again. Even if I hadn't admitted it before, I had realized that it hadn't only been Bella that I'd been missing. I'd also missed my family, missed them quite a lot. To be honest, I had probably deprived myself of my family as a sort of punishment; I had felt that I hadn't deserved to be around them.

I still felt that I didn't deserve them, but I had also come to realize one thing: If I didn't allow myself to be happy ever again, if I kept on depriving myself of everything, I would perish.

I had already arrived at Forks without me even noticing the time, but I must have been running for days, without ever taking a break once.

I stopped when I took in the familiar surrounding of our house. It had been my home for so long. It looked different though, but I couldn't figure out what exactly was different. I stood there at least for half an hour, not moving, as if stuck to the ground.

Memories flooded back to my mind, memories I had desperately tried to forget. Memories of me and Bella joking, of the baseball match she'd watched, of how her hair would blow in the wind, of how she'd desperately tried not to get sick when I had taken her on my back.

Hesitantly I took a step and stopped again. It was so painful to remember and to know that they were just that, memories, nothing that I could ever actually experience again.

I just stared at the house for another minute and closed myself, trying to prepare myself for what was inevitable, more flashbacks, more reminders.

I took a deep breath, something that calmed me, even though I didn't need to breathe at all.

I slowly starting walking towards the house. Where was everybody? Alice surely had seen me coming! I stopped one more time and called out: "Hello? Anybody home?"

Obviously there wasn't. I hesitantly opened the door and stepped in. Now I noticed what was wrong, it was too dark inside, big curtains were drawn in front of the windows. I quickly walked over there and pulled them back. Ah, this was better, at least some light got inside now. I turned back. My hand slid across the table and took a lot of dust with it. Only now did I notice the thick layer of dust on all the furniture.

How stupid was I not even considering that they'd moved. They couldn't have even stayed there if they'd wanted to, 21 years was a far too long time to spend at one place and after all, I could imagine that nothing had really kept them there after I'd left.

It was so quiet. Too quiet. I couldn't stand it. I walked over to the radio and turned it on, at least it wasn't as quiet anymore.

I slowly started walking around the house as the first tunes of an old song were played. I was tempted to switch off the radio, but I stopped, realizing that the song perfectly fitted my feelings.

_I am color…blind_

_Coffee black and egg white_

_Pull me out from inside_

I walked into the kitchen, remembering how Esme had cooked for Bella, remembering how Alice had made the cake for Bella's birthday.

I walked back, remembering how Bella had cut herself, how Jasper had jumped at her, how I had left Bella.

_I am ready, _

_I am ready,_

_I am ready,_

_I am_

Remembering how it had almost destroyed her, how it had almost destroyed me. Remembering our "trip" to Volterra. Remembering her saving me. Remembering how we moved back, how much I loved her.

_Taffy stuck, tongue tied_

_Stuttered shook and uptight,_

_Pull me out from inside_

I walked upstairs, looking at all the college hats, remembering how I had told her about our "private joke". It looked like they had left everything, or at least almost. I could still here the music from downstairs.

_I am ready,_

_I am ready,_

_I am ready,_

_I am … fine._

I walked into my old room and stopped at the door, holding on to the frame. I saw the huge bed, the one I had only bought for Bella. I saw all my CDs, remembered how I'd loved to listen to them. I sat down on the bed, remembering all the times we'd been lying there, together. Remembering the feeling of Bella sleeping in my arms. Remembering how I'd loved to just watch her sleeping.

_I am covered in skin,_

_No one gets to come in,_

_Pull me out from inside,_

_I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding_

_I am … colorblind._

Remembering how much time we'd spent together and how I'd love every split second of it. Remembering how she had agreed to marry me. Remembering how she'd made me the happiest man in the world that very day.

_Coffee black and egg white_

_Pull me out from inside_

I walked back downstairs, all those memories flashing through my mind.

_I am ready,_

_I am ready,_

_I am ready,_

_I am … fine,_

_I am … fine,_

_I am fine._

I had reached the piano I remembered how I had used to play so much, how I had composed songs for them all, especially the one for Bella. I hadn't touched a piano ever since. I slid my hand across the piano, it hurt me to see all the dust on it, so I pushed it all off.

I carefully opened the piano lid and slid onto the chair. I closed my eyes and started to play. Bella's lullaby. It brought back even more memories. I didn't stop there, I went on playing on all the songs I'd ever composed and many more which I liked. I didn't pause, I didn't open my eyes, I just played.

It felt good to be playing on the piano again. I had missed that, too. Finally I had enough. I opened my eyes and stood back up. It was time for me to go. I knew I would find my family, even if I would have to look everywhere.

For the first time in 21 years I didn't feel completely helpless and wounded anymore. I could still feel the pain at the very back of my mind, but the anger, the hatred and the despair was gone. It was like a cool wave of calmness had covered it all.

I stepped to the front door when I noticed some letters lying on the floor, I hadn't noticed them when I entered.

I bent down to pick them up and I immediately recognized the handwriting, if only because I had never seen any handwriting that could be compared to it. It was for sure Esme's beautiful writing on each of the four letters, all of them addressed to me. I took one of them and opened it.

_"Dear Edward,_

_When you're reading this my hopes have finally been answered and you've returned home. I want you to know that I miss you very much, we all do and that I am desperately hoping for you to come back to us one day. _

_Even though you're physically speaking not much younger than me, I've always thought of you as a son and loved you as one, and I still do._

_I just hope, wherever you are, or wherever you are planning on going, you are safe. Please never forget that we all love you and that we would always want you to come back to us. _

_I've written__ the address of our new home at the back so that you will know where to find us._

_Love,_

_Esme"_

The other three were quite similar to the one before, each with a new address on it.

Oh Esme, how much had I hurt her by leaving.

Suddenly I was hit by the door, as somehow had slammed it open from outside. I heard a scream and saw someone jumping at me and before I was even able to realize Alice was in my arms. Jasper was standing right behind her, warmly smiling at me.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked, not really trusting my voice as I hadn't talked to anyone in a long time.

"What do you think?" Alice answered. "We're here to take you home."

A half-smile appeared on Edward's lip, probably for the first time in 21 years of mourning.

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**So, Edward is finally back with the rest of the Cullens. Hope you liked it. Please press that little green button underneath and let me know what you think!**


	10. The woman and the man

**Cait's POV**

Weeks had passed since we'd first met Martin, Sarah and Melanie. We had started to become better and better friends, joking, laughing, hunting together and just having an incredibly good time.

One evening, Liam and I visited the others at their house, one of our unannounced visits which we paid them (and they us) very regularly lately.

Instead of knocking the door, we just walked in, as they'd told us to do. Liam, ever the gentleman, opened the door for me and let me go through first.

I could hear Martin playing the violin upstairs, and Melanie singing along. It was a German song, so I didn't really grasp the meaning, but it was plainly beautiful.

Liam and I were standing in the hall for a moment, just listening and without me asking him he started to translate the text for me (I hadn't even know that he knew German, after all those years, there were still facts about him that surprised me)

_"Sometimes I go my way without a single glance_

_S__ometimes I wish back my rocking horse,_

_Sometimes I'm without rest or halt,_

_Sometimes I close all doors behind me,_

_Sometimes I'm feeling cold and sometimes hot,_

_Sometimes I don't know any more what I know,_

_Sometimes I'm already tired in the morning,_

_And then I'm seeking for solace in a song._

_Across seven bridges you have to walk,_

_Seven dark years you have to endure,_

_Seven times you will be the dark ash_

_But one day you will be the shining light._

_Sometimes the clock of life seems to stop,_

_Sometimes you only seem to be walking in circles,_

_Sometimes you are like sick of wanderlust_

_Sometimes you sit quietly on a bench_

_Sometimes you grab for the whole world,_

_Sometimes you think that your lucky star is sinking,_

_Sometimes you take where you should have given,_

_Sometimes you hate what you love._

_Across seven bridges you have to walk,_

_Seven dark years you have to endure,_

_Seven times you will be the dark ash_

_But one day you will be the shining light._

_Across seven bridges you have to walk,_

_Seven dark years you have to endure,_

_Seven times you will be the dark ash_

_But one day you will be the shining light."_

"That song is beautiful" I whispered. Liam just nodded in response.

We decided to join Sarah in the living room. She was watching the news (I had gotten the impression that she was a news junkie indeed), but as she heard as entering she picked up the remote control and was about to switch the TV off when I stopped her.

"Wait" I exclaimed, looking at the TV in disbelief.

"What is it?" she asked, not understanding what had attracted my interest.

The programme she was watching was CNN and they were just showing pictures of a horrible accident that had happened the day before. 10 people had been killed in a car crash just outside Phoenix, among them a man and a woman in their late fifties.

"What is it?" Martin asked who had entered the room without me even noticing. I couldn't answer, didn't know how to answer.

Liam caught me as I nearly collapsed onto the floor: "I got you, it's alright" he said soothingly, manoeuvring onto the sofa.

"What's wrong, Cait?" Melanie asked, worried.

I was still staring at the TV blankly. Hadn't they eyes? Or had they just not bothered to look at the TV yet.

"The, the woman" I stammered. "And, and the man." Liam stroked my back, encouraging and comforting me.

Melanie took a glance at the TV. "OH my god!" she exlaimed. The woman in there looked like an older version of me. It was like looking in an ageing mirror, seeing how you would one day look like. If you were able to age, that is.

"She, I think, the woman, who died. That is, was my mother."

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**I know this is a very short chapter and it's only sort of a filler anyway. And I do feel sort of guilty for having "killed" Renee and Phil, I have to admit. Anyway, hoping for reviews;)**

**Oh, and the song mentioned above is originally called "Über Sieben Brücken" and is performed by various German artists.**


	11. Home is where the heart is

**Disclaimer: I do apologize for all the times I didn't put that one in, but I have never and will never own any part of Twilight whatsoever^^**

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**Alice's POV**

Edward had been home for nearly two weeks, and everything was supposed to have settled back to normal, but it hadn't.

We had all been so happy to see him again, everyone hugged him, talked to him, everyone seemed to be a little bit happier for a few days.

But the problem was, even though Edward had seemed pretty happy and content in the beginning, in fact he wasn't. He didn't say it, but he didn't have to, everyone knew anyway, his eyes and his body composure just gave him away. He was still mourning Bella and the sad thing was, I couldn't see him feeling better any time soon.

If it would have only been him, things might not have been so bad. The problem was that we were all affected by it. None of us was really able to stand seeing him unhappy, so these days everyone just pretty much kept to themselves.

For Jasper it was worst though. Given his gift (or his curse, how he used to refer to it very often lately) Jasper felt all the pain Edward felt just as badly. He tried to soothe him, tried to comfort him, but was getting worked up over it at the same time.

The gist was that Edward had to heal, had to heal from the inside. And I knew that he wouldn't be able to do so without us. He had to have his family around, had to be surrounded by people who loved him.

After all Edward had done for us, we clearly owed this to him. And it would break Esme's heart if he would leave again, she had hardly managed it the first time. I quickly dismissed the thought, I couldn't be thinking about him leaving, that much was out of the question.

At the same time I knew things could not stay they were for much longer because as hard as we tried, we were all getting more and more anxious from day to day. And I feared for Jasper, he was the sensitive one of our family and his damn empathy was not really helping things. I already tried my best to keep him away from Edward as much as possible and I think Edward was trying to avoid him as well, knowing what pain he caused him. But in the long run this was no acceptable solution either, they could not go on avoiding one another the whole time.

Edward had suggested leaving several times, but we all had insisted on him staying. We did not want him to leave.

After all we were the Cullens, we would get through this and if only simply because we had to.

**Edward's POV**

It was nice to be around my family again, even though I knew that I wasn't doing them any good. Contrary to their beliefs, my mood had enlightened a bit, but I wasn't going to tell them that, as I knew they would just get even more worried about what state of mind I was in before I rejoined them and probably even start blaming themselves for not having helped me. Even though they had looked for me, I had gathered as much from their thoughts.

Home is where the heart is, people always say. Well, my heart was not exactly with them, the biggest part of my heart was still with Bella, but with Bella gone being with my family was probably the closest thing I would ever have to a home again.

I could hear as someone opened the door to the living room. It was Claire, busy thinking about the series she wanted to watch. Spotting me on the couch, she let out an "oh" and was about to retreat from the room, when I stopped her.

"No, don't leave because of me. If you want to watch TV on your own, I'll just leave."

"No, really, it's not necessary. I just wanted to grab this book here" she said, picking up a book from one of the armchairs. Not the best of excuses and lying to someone who can read your thoughts is not the smartest of ideas anyway. And she realized that just a second after, hitting herself mentally for being so stupid. An awkward pause emerged, neither of us knowing what to say. Claire blushed deeply and she suddenly reminded me very much of Bella, oh, Bella!

I had to stop thinking about her, doing so would just make me more miserable. But what to do?

"Well, if you don't mind, I'd actually like to watch 'Desperate Housewives' with you, I've never seen it before." Wait? Had I just said that? Had I seriously suggested watching some girly TV series? What was I thinking?

Claire must have been thinking pretty much the same, because she looked puzzled, as to what had taken me over and was considering whether "he's just gone absolutely nuts or why is he talking to me?"

"Well, sure" she replied a bit late, settling herself onto the sofa beside me and switching on the TV. She put the book she'd just picked up on the little table beside the sofa. As she put it down, I peaked at it, trying to see what she was reading. I hadn't noticed the colour before, it was completely in pink. It was called 'the Mysterious Stranger' and looked like one of Rose's trashy novels, definitely something Claire would never be reading, she was too much of a rationalist for that.

She followed my glance, and blushed, slightly embarrassed as she looked at the book for the first time herself. When she studied the title herself, she couldn't help it but chuckle. "Looks like I picked up the wrong book" she said with a big smile, not trying to keep up the pretense anymore. "I love Rose and all, but seriously, her taste in books is not exactly very … sophisticated."

She didn't expect me to answer her, and she was absolutely stunned when I twitched my lips up in a half-smile. She shook her head, obviously trying not to think about it any longer as she very well knew that I heard each single one of her thoughts.

Her train of thoughts shifted back to the series and she focused on the TV. I found myself relaxing a little as I watched the series. It wasn't as bad as I'd expected, I actually found myself enjoying it a little. Maybe it was only the fact that I hadn't watched TV in a very long time, well, I had watched TV, but I had never focused on it entirely as I did now. It was strange, and I found my lips twitching up lightly every so often, each time earning me an irritated look from Claire, who clearly wasn't used to seeing me doing anything close to smiling.

The hour had soon passed, and Claire switched off the TV and got up. "Got to study" she mumbled, smiling at me, before she left the room.

Strangely enough I had enjoyed the past hour. It had been nice to be around Claire, because unlike the others she did not feel the urge to talk to me, but she just sat there along with me and somehow her presence had comforted me.

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**So, I know this chapter is not very long either, but I felt that it would be right to end it there. I am in a very good mood today though, so I might update another chapter later on (another Edward-Claire chapter probably^^)**

**Free cookies for everyone who reviews!!!**


	12. The right to be unhappy

**I own nothing but the plot^^**

**Edward's POV**

Walking down the stairs I could hear someone slamming the door to the living room. Taking in Alice who looked very worried I raised an eyebrow questioningly, but she just shrugged, not bothering to answer me out loud. "It's Claire" she thought. "Suppose she's had a bad day at university. She thinks she's failing an exam or something."

"But that's not the end of the world" I whispered back, not wanting Claire to hear that we were talking about her. Alice again just replied me thinking: "Well, you know, she's a little over-ambitious, always trying to be the best student in everything. I mean, ambition is healthy to a certain degree, but she definitely got too much of that."

"Want me to talk to her?" I suggested without realizing what I was saying until it was too late. Alice was taken by surprise too. But being Alice she recovered rather quickly, faster than me anyway. "Sure, that would be a brilliant idea" she said out loud, smiling at me brightly, and pushing me towards the door of the living room before I could protest and change my mind.

I lifted my right hand to knock on the door, but dropped it again when I realized that I was acting stupid. This was my house as well after all. I took one deep, very unnecessary but nonetheless calming breath before I stepped through the door.

The TV was on at a very high volume, however I didn't have the feeling that Claire was even watching it. She was huddled onto the sofa, her arms slung around her knees and a big pillow was pressed to her stomach. She looked miserable, oh my god, how serious did she take grades?

I cleared my throat, but she didn't even look up. So I tried again: "Claire? Everything alright?"

She looked at me as if I was a complete idiot, but to tell truth, at that very moment I felt like one.

"Yes" she said very sarcastically. 'Very hard to figure that one out, wasn't it?' she added in her thoughts, not caring whether I heard them or not.

I was frustrated, but I had promised Alice, so I wasn't allowed to give up so soon. Ok, I know I hadn't really promised her, but giving up and chickening out like that still somehow would have felt like cheating. And I know that she would have found a way to twist the whole thing to look it like that anyway.

Since I wasn't going to give in that easily I just settled myself on the armchair opposite to the sofa on which she was sitting. Claire looked slightly irritated and annoyed, however she chose not to say anything and ignoring me she went back to her initial position.

'It's so not fair, she shouldn't have, just because she's making eyes at him, he's a professor anyway, he should know not to treat persons differently, it's so unfair, I..' her stream of thoughts was pretty confusing for me, but at least I gathered the main aspects: It looked like she'd gotten a worse grade than she'd expected, and that some "bitch" who didn't deserve had gotten a better result, just because she seemed to be flirting with the professor. Oh Jeez.

Suddenly Claire looked up to me, she seemed to finally be aware, that I knew exactly what she was thinking, that I was listening to her private conversation.

And then she did something which took me completely by surprise. Suddenly a whole mess of thoughts was flowing through my head, none of them connected to one another in any way whatsoever. My head was spinning, making me feel dizzy.

"Claire, please! Stop this" I whispered.

"Then GET OUT OF MY MIND" she shouted mentally at me.

"I can't" I nearly whimpered. "Claire, you know this isn't fair, I have no choice!"

'Hm, we'll see about that'. I suddenly felt how something gently pushed me out of her mind. Oh my god, what was happening?

A smirk played on his lips. "Ah, I've had this theory for a while" I looked at her, baffled, but at least her mood seemed to have improved slightly. But how the hell did she do that?

I decided to drop it for now, if only because I didn't know what to think about that and had to come to terms with that yet.

Somehow I still felt insulted that she'd managed to trick me , well, my mind, so I probably sounded a bit aggressive, when I asked her: "So, tell me Claire: Why are you actually in such a bad mood just because a bad result in college? It's not the end of the world!"

She just looking at me disdainfully, so I felt the urge to go on: "Come on, how can you have any right to complain? You know, I have lost the love of my life, don't you think your problem is looking very small besides that. You will be able to fix your grades somehow, and anyway, they are not the most important thing in life, but Bella (_I realized that it was the first time I said her name out loud since I was back there_) meant the world to me, and now she's gone. I have nothing left, nothing, don't you understand that? So if anyone in here has the right to be angry it's me, and not you! You don't know what unhappiness is, believe me, how could you?! You are just a stupid child and make Alice and Jasper worry for you, even though they are the ones who gave you a home!"

At that Claire had jumped to her feet:

"How dare you EDWARD CULLEN?" She was outright screaming now, so everyone in the house was probably hearing every word she said. "You think I have no right to worry, to be unhappy because little things don't matter? It's exactly the little things in life that makes one life worth living or not, don't you get that? I have every right to be unhappy if I want to, and so does everyone else. Little things are the things that make the difference, that matter the most. I suppose you've never read 'A long way down' by Nick Hornby, well, you should, maybe you would at least understand some things then.

You're saying that you're the only one who's ever lost anything? Well, you know what, at least you had Bella, you should be grateful for that! I never got to meet my parents, I don't know who they are and probably never will. You have someone to remember, for me there's just emptiness, because who can you think of someone you don't even know? And yes, I haven't lost anything in its literal sense, because I simply never got to know them. So you see I have every right to be unhappy if I want to, but you know, I still get my acts together, I try not to think about it too much and carry on anyway. Because what you are doing is simply selfish. You are in a miserable mood all the time, dragging every one down with you. Yes, maybe you didn't deserve what happened to you, but that still doesn't give you the right to make everyone feel shitty around you, just because you do yourself. There's people who are far worse off than you are and they don't go around every day ranting that life is such a drag. I'm not saying 'get over it' because I know that's easier said than done, I'm just saying try to get your acts together for the sake of the people around you."

With that she left the room, once again slamming the door.

**This chapter suddenly headed to somewhere else than I had planned to (the whole her-pushing-him-out-of-her-mind thingy), so I hope I did somehow manage to get my acts together in the end.**

**Anyway, as usual: REVIEWS make me happy and also make me update faster! So please do leave a comment^^**


	13. A funeral and I can't cry

**!Important! I'm sorry, but I just changed the ending of chapter 10 to make the whole thing more logical. So, I know that Renee looks completely different to Bella, but for the sake of this story, please just accept that Renee looks/looked like an older version of Bella, thx!  
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**This chapter is dedicated to Adrianna 1120 for being such a loyal reviewer! A big thanks to you, your comments really mean a lot to me!**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

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**Cait's POV**

I was standing in the woods, watching the funeral. The last few days had just been a complete blur, I had not noticed time passing by.

I had always wanted to remember something of my "old" life, to find someone I had known. But not this way.

I was standing in the woods, watching the funeral. The last few days had just been a complete blur, I had not noticed time passing by.

I had always wanted to remember something of my "old" life, to find someone I had known. But not this way. This was so wrong, this was not how it was supposed to be.

I probably wasn't even supposed to be here. But I hadn't been able to stop me, I had felt the urge to come, and somehow it had felt right to do so. But right now it didn't. I was out of place, watching the funeral of a woman who looked so much like me and her boyfriend. Boyfriend, that's what they had said on the TV and it sounded like she had been married before, so he probably wasn't my father. Hadn't been my father.

The ceremony had been very sad, they had played a lot of sad songs. I had not dared to enter the church, but I had watched the ceremony at the graveyard from behind some trees in the nearby forest.

It had felt right to come here, but it felt wrong to be here at the same time. There were a lot of people at the funeral, people I was supposed to know, but I did not recognize even one of them.

This was my mother's funeral, so the normal thing for the daughter was to cry, but I couldn't. A wave of sadness had rushed over me, but at the same time I could not really mourn her. How can you mourn a person you don't know? I didn't even know whether I had liked her, whether we had gotten on, or whether we hadn't even talked to one another.

This was wrong, what did I do here? What did I think I could change? What did I think would happen? I could hardly go out there, even though quite a considerable amount of time had passed since those people had probably last seen me, they would still recognize me. And then they would start asking questions as to why I hadn't aged. Why I still looked the same way like they remembered me.

So why do this? And why insist on going alone. Liam, Sarah, Melanie, Martin: they had all offered to come with me, but I had refused, telling them that this was something I had to do on my own. Do on my own for what?

I suddenly heard someone walking towards me. I had been so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn't noticed. My rationality was telling me to leave right now, but some other part of me wanted to stay, wanted to find out who was coming. A voice inside my head started screaming at me, telling me to start moving, but I was frozen to the spot. And then it was already too late, the other person had already discovered me.

A man in his mid-sixties had stopped at my sight. He was looking at me, clearly shocked. Oh shit, this probably meant that he knew me.

"Bella" he whispered. "Oh my god, Bella."

Bella? Was that my name? It had to be. Bel-la. It somehow had a nice touch to it. Was I Italian? The name certainly sounded Italian. But I didn't look Italian though.

"We have always wondered what happened to you, Bella" the man continued, tears glittering in his eyes. "You have to know, we never forgot. I am still thinking of you every day. I've missed you so much, Bella!"

He said my name a lot, emphasizing on both syllables. Bel-la. He probably hadn't been able to say that name in a long time. But who was he?

"I was so lonely without you. I could hardly accept that Edward was taking you away from me, but then you disappeared completely. It was hard to bear, I can tell you. But I'm not blaming you, hell, I know my Bella, she would have tried everything to keep me from getting hurt."

E-D-W-A-R-D??? Who was he?

"I never told you this so straightforward, but I think Edward really was the one for you. It was hard to be giving away my daughter, but at least I knew that you were going to marry you really and truly loved, and who loved you just as much in return."

Did he just say? No, he couldn't. Married? Me? Oh my god!

"And then Edwards comes back from your honeymoon on his holiday, saying he 'lost' you. I was so furious at first, especially at him, but he really wasn't the one to blame. He blamed himself enough. He told me he would never give up looking for you, so he did. But he didn't find you, none of us did. You were just gone. Right then I knew something horrible must have happened to you."

Well, I suppose he got that part right. I still didn't know what exactly happened to me, though. So I had been in love with this 'Edward'? Me?! Who had always been envying other people for their love? I had been in love with someone? 'Truly and deeply'? What had happened to him? He must have grown old without me!

"The Cullens left soon after, not only Edward but all of them. They couldn't deal with you being gone either, hell, they always treated you as one of your family. You know, I never told you this, but I was sometimes even jealous of them, because I thought you saw them as your surrogate family, given that you didn't really remember your mum and me still being together. So you never really had this whole mother-father thing, it was always either 'Renee' or 'Charlie'. I know it's stupid, but sometimes I even feared I was losing you to them."

Oh my god, this meant, he was my dad. And his name was Charlie. My dad whom I didn't even remember and whom I didn't recognize.

"I suppose you've come to take Renee and Phil with you and lead them their way. You know, the one question that was tantalizing me all this years was whether you were fine, whether you had found your inner peace. I'm happy to see you have." He was outright crying now. "I know you have to go, but it was good to see you, Bella. Angel Bella."

So that was why he had reacted so calm in his very own way. He had mistaken me for an angel. I wanted to say something to him, tell him that he wasn't right, that I was still alive, but I couldn't. I looked into the eyes and what I saw there was both happiness and sadness, and I understood that for him this was the best solution possible, thinking that I had turned into an angel, that I had found a place in heaven. So I remained silent.

"Goodbye Bella, tell your mother even though we didn't work out that I still love her much and always will. And also tell Phil I wish him all the best. I know they'll be safe with you."

I knew it was time to go. And even though I knew that I could not say anything to him, I still felt the urge to somehow touch him. So I rushed forward hugging him. Only a split second later, I let him go and went running in the opposite direction, crossing the graveyard on my path. To him the touch could have only felt like a touch of the wind and he could hardly follow me with his eyes as his gaze followed me. To him it probably looked as if I was taking Renee's and Phil's souls with me, with me to heaven.

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**Ok, this chapter has been sort of hard to write, so I hope it all still bears some sort of logic. But if you do realize that something doesn't work out that way at all, please let me know.**

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And once more, please review, reviews mean the world to me! Thanks!**


	14. Liam's story

**A belated "Merry Christmas" to you all and a "good slide into the New Year" how we say in German^^**

**I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in ages, but I had a lot of school stuff to do and then our computer broke down as well. Anyway, here goes the next chapter, thanks for bearing with me.**

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Sarah's POV

We were just back from dropping Cait off at the airport and everyone was in a depressed kind of mood. She hadn't wanted us to come with her to Phoenix, even though we all had offered to do so. It was something she had to do on her own, she had said and I somehow understood her. Yet we had insisted on bringing her to the airport, at least, and she had finally agreed.

Martin and Melanie were upstairs, talking quietly and Liam had left for a walk. I couldn't stand being in the house anymore, it was frustrating to just be sitting down and not knowing what was going on, not being able to help her in any way.

So I decided to follow Liam's example and went for a walk myself. I walked into the nearby forest and just stood still there for a while, breathing in the fresh air. Taking deep breaths had always had a calming effect on me, and so much more since the pure necessity of breathing had gone and I could decide to breathe or not to breathe myself.

I didn't know Cait that well, but she had become a friend and I was worried about her. I didn't know how she would be able to cope with it all.

Without noticing I had been walking on a bit when I noticed a lonely figure sitting on a log maybe twenty metres away from me. Liam.

I didn't want to disturb him, so I was just about to retreat when he noticed me. He looked up at me. Crap! Now there was no way that I could go unnoticed. Not that I didn't like Liam, but I wasn't good at comforting people.

Well, I had to get it over with anyway. Just a few casual words and then I could just leave him, couldn't I? I slowly starting walking towards him.

"So" I cleared my throat as my voice had gotten stuck in it. "Are you ok?" What a stupid question, of course he wasn't, but what else could I have possibly asked. Well, I had known that I was crap at things like that, if only he hadn't looked up.

"Just – thinking" Liam replied, looking into the distance. I sat down on the log beside him. So much for not staying long. I didn't know what to say, so I just sat there silently, rather uncomfortably.

"_I have to let her go"_ Liam whispered after a while, more to himself than to anyone else.

"Whom" I asked, puzzled.

"_Cait"_

"Cait?" What did he mean.

"_Yes, Cait, my sister. I never let her go. Naming her Cait was just a coping mechanism in a way, I think I somehow saw her as my new sister."_

Her probably alluded to Cait, our Cait that is. Argh, how confusing! So this wasn't about our Cait at all, but about the other, the first Cait.

"_You wanna know what happened_?" he asked, a bitter tone to his voice.

I didn't know whether I really wanted to hear his story, but I just nodded.

"_I don't know how much you know about Irish history, but I suppose you've heard of the Great Famine?"_

Again, I just nodded, of course I had.

"_I was born in 1831, so at the outbreak of the famine I was only 13. My younger sister, Cait, she was two years younger than me. In the beginning we were fine. My parents and us two children, we lived on a small farm and we lived on growing potatoes. So with the famine, our main source of income was suddenly gone, we had nothing left. Still we somehow managed to survive."_

He took a deep breath then, staring off in the distance again before he continued.

"_Many of our friends emigrated, but our parents wanted to stay. So we did. And even though we suffered from hunger, we were fine for a while. Then – my parents got sick, terribly sick. They died, leaving my sister and me alone."_

"I'm so sorry" I mumbled, but he put up his hand to show me that he wasn't finished with his story.

"_I was 17 then, old enough to take care of myself and to take care of Cait. Not that she needed to be taken care of. Somehow it always felt like she was the older one of us, the more mature one. And we managed to survive the Great Hunger, barely, but we did. But then, we happened to meet HIM!"_

There was anger in his voice now, but also sadness. I took his hand and squeezed it, trying to comfort him but also wanting him to go on talking.

"_He – I don't even know his name, all I know is that he was – is a vampire – he followed us. You know, one could ask why a vampire would be in Ireland at that exact time, I mean, he could have easily gone to some other country with well-fed people, but instead he chose to take the near-starved Irish as his diet. I just don't understand why he did that?"_

There were tears in his eyes now so I squeezed his hand a bit more tightly than before. Poor Liam! I felt that we were getting to the main part of the story.

"_Anyway, he followed us, us as in my sister, me and some stranger who just happened to be walking in the same direction. He bit her first, then me, we were too shocked to react at all. The other guy put up a fight, not that he could really fight a vampire, but I think the vampire liked to play with him, his bait. He was too occupied in his dirty little to notice Cait and me leaving, trying to escape. But, she, she was too severely wounded. She could barely walk. I tried to carry her, but I wasn't strong enough. And then_" he swallowed at that point _"she just told me to leave her, to leave her lying there, unprotected, ready to be killed by that monster. But I just couldn't. So I tried to go on, dragged her, but I wasn't strong enough. And then I heard him, heard him laugh at me. There he was standing, watching my futile attempts to save her. I stood up in front of my sister, trying to protect her, but he just jumped at me and pushed me aside. 'Watch' he said as he killed her, and I was just lying there in the grass, watching helplessly. And then he just left, within a second he was gone, leaving me there with my guilt, knowing that I survived whilst my sister hadn't. And all that was left was his evil grin as a frozen picture in my mind."_

"Liam", he was staring at the ground "look at me." Reluctantly he looked up to me. "What happened back then was not your fault! You could not have done anything else, this was not about you not being strong enough. He was a vampire so you had no chance. No one would have had a chance! That you survived is merely due to his mercy, or cruelty if you want to say so. You have to stop blaming yourself. I'm sure your sister wouldn't want you to feel guilty about it. After all, when she told you to leave, you didn't. You showed your bravery then, and your loyalty. You did everything that was within your power to save her, I'm sure, wherever she is now, she is grateful for what you tried to do for her."

"_Rationally speaking, I know that you are right. But in here"_ he took his hand, which was still intertwined with mine to his heart "_I haven't come to terms with it yet. For more than a hundred years I'd been alone and then Cait, the one you know, came along and she somehow replaced my sister. For once I didn't feel guilty any more. Now I come to realize that I hadn't coped at all, but that she was just a means to push it away. You see, we've become close friends over the last few years and it does feel as if she were my sister indeed, but there is no way that she could replace the original Cait. They are both very special in their own way, and I did very wrong when I tried to somehow combine them into just one character. When I met Cait about 21 years ago, I was finally able to move back here to where my sister died. The thing is I never let myself mourn her, not really; I never shed a single tear for her death. Somehow, for me she still existed all this time. I've lived in my own make-believe world, a world full of pretense that is, for the last one and a half centuries." _

"You have to let go" I said "not only of her but also of your sense of failure, because you didn't fail her or anyone else. I know it's easy to say and hard to do, but I think what you need is to grieve your sister, truly and fully, but then you also have to move on."

"I know" he whispered. "I know. – Please" he added "I think I need to be on my own for a while."

I nodded and got up, squeezing his hand one last time before I left. Poor Liam. How much I wished to be able to help him. But again, I couldn't. He had to do this on his own as much as Cait had to do her things on her own. If only I didn't feel that helpless about it.

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**Argh, this chapter was just a disaster to write, and I don't really like it myself, because I think there are a few incoherences in it, so I might go back and change a few things later on, right now, I just don't have enough time for anything.**

**Anyway, hope you still somewhat enjoy this story and please do me a huge favor, sort of a belated Christmas present and review.**


	15. Apologies

**If you like this story and you are also a HP fan, maybe you wanna check out my other story (s. profile)!**

**Same as usual, I still don't own anything;)**

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**Edward's POV**

I was sitting in the living room, brooding. I knew that I'd have to apologize to her soon. She had been right after all, even though she did react disproportionally in my opinion. But she was probably the only person here who could somewhat understand me. It had never occurred to me that her situation was to some extent similar to mine. Even though she had never known her parents, she had still lost them. At least I had had time with Bella and after talking to Claire I'd come to realize that I had to treasure those moments and should be thankful for the time I had with her. Nevertheless it still hurt, but it had become a bit more bearable.

I finally got up to go upstairs and talk to Claire when the door swung open and she walked in. All the better.

"Listen – " I started.

"_I'm sorry"_ she interrupted me. _"I think I've been overly harsh there, I didn't mean to hurt you. I know it must be hard not to know what happened to your wife, but I was just upset and when I'm upset I usually just get all self-centered and…"_

"It's ok." It was my turn to interrupt her. "I'm sorry as well. You might have been a bit harsh, but, you know, I think you're right. I've been a bit of a downer lately. I've made everyone around me feel miserable, just because I felt miserable myself. That wasn't fair. I – I just miss her so much, and that makes me forget everything around me. I think I've just been too wrapped up in my misery to notice anything going on around me. I truly am sorry."

"_It's ok, I understand that you're - upset"_ I smiled at the way she put it. Upset, maybe not a strong enough word, but then again, was there a word strong enough to describe it?! She had seated herself on the nearby armchair by now, and I just went back to my place on the sofa.

"_So, how – was she?"_ Claire asked cautiously.

"She was – beautiful. Not only physically I mean, but in every way. She was just perfect. She was the woman I could have grown old & gray with, well, with whom I could have spent the rest of my life simply being happy. Any you know, the worst part, I sometimes think that it was my fault that she disappeared. She – she always wanted me to change her, to make her one of us. But I didn't want to. And then we finally agreed on a compromise. I insisted on her marrying me first, before I would change her. And sometimes I just wonder, maybe all of this wouldn't have happened if I'd changed her. At least, as a vampire she'd have a better change at protecting herself. And maybe she'd still be here with me today if I'd just given in."

"_You know, that's nonsense, don't you? I know, it's sometimes the easiest thing just to blame yourself, but rationally speaking, you don't know what happened to her. And you tried to protect her by not changing her earlier. She knew that and she loved you for the man you were, not someone else. You have to stop thinking what could have been. You have to focus on what is, and maybe on what was. There is one thing no one can take away from you, your memories. At least you have those."_

"So, what about your parents? Do you think of them often?"

"_No. Yes. Occasionally. I just sometimes wonder what they would have been like. I mean, I am very grateful for what Alice and Jasper have done for me, and I love them very much, they are like two of the sweetest people on earth, but I still wonder. And then I wonder why they just left me there. What I did to them that made them hate me so much that they would just leave me out there, ready to be killed by whatever was coming along."_

"You really think your parents hate you?" I asked disbelievingly. "You know, I don't know what happened to Bella, but neither do you know what happened to your parents, who said they gave you away, maybe something happened to them that did not leave them with another choice. Maybe they were trying to protect you."

"_Maybe"_ she simply replied. _"I guess the two of us will have to live with a few maybes in our life."_ She smiled slightly.

"I guess we do." I answered. "But, you know, it somehow makes it easier to know that I'm not on my own, that there is someone to share this with."

And it did feel good indeed. I had the feeling that Claire did understand me better than the rest of my family, as much as they loved me.

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**Sorry for the very short chapter, but I didn't want to drag the chapter unnaturally out.**

**Review! Maybe?**


	16. Back to the beginning

I'm incredibly sorry for not updating any sooner, but I had so much stuff to do. I'll hope I'll be able to update sooner in the future.

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Bella's POV

The last 48 hours had passed in a blur. I had not only been at my mum's funeral, a woman, whom I did not remember, but I had also met my dad. I had found him only to realize that I would never be able to see him again.

It was only when a woman announced that we had just safely landed that I realized that I was back in Dublin. Sure enough I had spent all the time on the plane just thinking and brooding.

The first thing I saw when I walked through the arrival gates were four familiar faces: Liam, Melanie, Martin, Sarah. They had all come. Good! I really needed to talk to them, especially Liam.

It had been a lot easier to convince them than I'd thought. In fact, I hadn't really needed to convince them at all, but they had offered to tag along themselves. As much as I had wanted to go to Phoenix on my own, I didn't think I could have taken being on my own for much longer.

This was the one thing I had been secretly hoping for all my life, but I had feared it even more. All I remembered were those cries. Cries I didn't know where to place. The first thing I remember. And I was convinced that it is the last thing I remembered from being a human, the only thing to be precise. I had told Liam once, but he had more or less just shrugged it off, saying it was probably from my transformation. I did not believe that, even though I could not say why. So many questions, so few answers. My whole past was clouded in black, I didn't remember anything but the cries. If only I knew…

I hoped that being back there might trigger some memories, anything. Back to the beginning. That was I was kneeling there right now, right at the place where Liam had found me. My hands were touching the very ground and all I felt was – nothing.

I was disappointed but at the same time somehow strangely relieved. I did not exactly know what I had been hoping for. The others had left me alone, trying to give me some privacy.

I was sitting there, disappointment and relief washing over me in turns. But there was something else, a sadness that I had tried to suppress for the past 21 years. A sadness for all what I had lost, for all I didn't remember, for whatever had happened to me. A sadness I was no longer able to hold back. Tears started spilling from my eyes, slowly at first but getting quicker with the minute until I was outright sobbing. All those tears I had suppressed for years, all the emotions I hadn't allowed myself to go through were quickly catching up with me.

I had been sitting there for around an hour when the flood of tears was finally ebbing down, my breath calming to a normal level.

So that was it. Nothing had really changed but I somehow felt that I had finally come to accept who I was and it felt right that way. I had always told myself that it was no use to dwell on the past, what I hadn't realized that this was exactly what made me live in the past. I had not moved on, I had simply pushed away any thoughts concerning my human life.

I heard the others coming back. I looked up at them, smiling to signal to them that I was o.k.

"Are you ready to go?" Liam asked.

"For now, yes" I said, getting up. "But, if it's not too much to ask, I think I'd like to come back a few more times."

"We thought as much", Liam said, smiling at me warmly. "We already booked a nice holiday apartment not far from here. "

I could not reply and simply smiled at them gratefully. They knew me so well.

Suddenly I felt another pair of eyes on me. I looked up only to meet the gaze of a tall blond vampire staring at me.

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Sorry for the very short chapter, I hope I'll be able to make up for it by updating another chapter soon.

I don't think anyone can guess who that might be^^ Well anyway, fell free to leave a review, they're very appreciated=)


	17. Stranger to my eyes

**Here's the next chapter. Again, not a very long one, but since I have loads of stuff to do these days, I'll probably keep on writing shorter ones that will allow me to update frequently as I'll find some time to squeeze them into my tight schedule.**

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When the vampire realized that we had noticed his arrival, he started to walk towards us, all the time quite bluntly staring at me, as if he was expecting me to react in one way or another.

An awkward silence had emerged. Martin finally broke it by stepping forwards and greeting the newcomer.

"I'd never guessed that we'd meet another one of our kind in this desolate area."

"Me neither", the vampire answered, finally tearing his eyes away from me. "You wouldn't happen to know some place to stay in?"

"We actually booked a whole house for ourselves, didn't want to have any humans hanging around. Sure, if you want to, you could stay there with us."

"Well, thanks, sounds like a good idea" he answered, obviously delighted by the fact that he'd stay in the same house like us, even though it was not clear why. Maybe he was a bit of a loner. Nevertheless, he still looked a bit confused and agitated.

"No problem. By the way, my name is Martin" Martin continued. When the stranger didn't answer at once, Martin asked him "So what's your name?"

Once again the stranger looked at me, expecting me to say something. It was starting to slightly freak me out.

When I didn't reply or react in any way, the stranger looked away with a somewhat disappointed look in his eyes, slightly stumbling over his words when he said: "Anthony – Anthony Mason."

"I am Melanie" – "Liam" – "Sarah", they all introduced themselves. I didn't fail to notice that Sarah had somewhat shifted nervously. What was wrong with her?

I suddenly realized that I was the only one who hadn't told him her name yet. "B-Bella" I said, stumbling at least as much over my own words as Anthony had before. Four surprised set of eyes met me, and one that simply looked puzzled. I had not planned on taking on my old names, but somehow, right now, it just had felt right.

Anthony's facial expression had once again changed. He looked completely puzzled now, and hurt to some extent. What was wrong with this guy, seriously?

"So, what took you here?", he asked, looking at me.

"You know, things" I said, not really willing to answer. This was something too private that I wasn't willing to reveal to some stranger. "So what about you."

"Basically the same" he answered somewhat challenging. "Things!"

I didn't like there this conversation was leading, so I quickly turned around and asked Liam to show us the way to the house we were staying in.

Liam quickly agreed and within no time we were at the house. There were five separate bedrooms in the house, so we quickly agreed that everyone would have a bedroom of their own, except for Martin and Melanie who would be sharing one.

I had just settled in when there was a sharp knock on the door. For one moment I feared that it might be Anthony, somewhat absurd to think that he'd want to talk to me, but there was something odd about him and I wasn't able to figure out what it was.

I told the person to come in and was relieved when it was Liam walking in.

"So, how are you?", he asked.

"Good, I guess. Why do you ask?"

"So now I need a reason to ask you about your wellbeing" he replied, his eyebrows slightly raised.

"Well, it's just, I don't know" I stumbled, not wanting to seem impolite and not realizing that he was just teasing me.

"I was simply worried about you" Liam interrupted me, still smiling. "You know, the whole thing with you telling that your name is Bella and – Well not that I think there's anything wrong with that , if you want us to call you Bella from now on. It just came somewhat surprising."

"I know", I replied. "It surprised me, too. But, it just feels right."

"Well, that's the most important thing" Liam continued. "And, you're ok after having been back to that place. I mean, did you remember anything."

"No memories, nothing!" I said, somewhat sad. "But I'd like to go back there some times, not because I hope to remember some things at some stage, but just being there somehow calms me. It is the only connection to my past life and being there helps me to come to terms with what happened to me, even though I still don't know exactly what that was."

"We'll stay as long as you wish", Liam said and got back up from my bed where he'd sat down when he'd come in. "I bet you want to be on your own now for a while. I'll talk to you later and if you need someone to talk to, you know my room is just down the floor."

"Right, thank you. Thank you for everything you've done for me. See you later then, I guess."

With that, Liam closed the door and walked out. I was alone again, left to my own thoughts.

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**Hope you liked it. As usual, feel free to leave a review=)**


	18. A first walk through the forest

**Bella's POV**

I noticed that Liam had started to spend more and more time with Sarah. I was happy for them, but at the same time it made me feel lonelier. And if meant that I was often left alone in the house with Anthony and I wasn't sure yet whether he was one to trust.

Anthony on the other hand seemed to have a strange interest in me, for one reason or another. I didn't understand why he was so keen on spending so much time with me, he was getting on much better with Liam, Melanie and Martin. Only Sarah seemed to behave hostile towards him, no, not hostile, cautious probably, I was the one behaving hostile to be honest.

It was one of these evenings again, all the others had left, Martin and Melanie to go hunting and Liam and Sarah for a walk, or so they had said.

I was just about to leave the house as well, looking forward to breathing some fresh air, when Anthony entered. Noticing that I was about to leave the house, he swiftly had moved to the front door, opening it for me.

"Thanks" I said, shyly smiling at him. Even though I wasn't sure whether to trust him or not, he did behave like a gentleman.

"May I accompany you, my lady?" he acquired.

"You may", I said, chuckling at his choice of words.

"So, where are we heading to?", he asked, now back to a more casual tone and obviously delighted that he had made me laugh.

"Nowhere in particular, really. I just wanted to take a walk, to – to think, I think."

He was obviously amused at my awkward way of expressing what I meant, but he did me the favour of not laughing. I was embarrassed, nevertheless. Why did I have to stumble. Why couldn't I just explain to him properly why I had wanted to go for a walk. Why did I even have to justify myself? My embarrassment had suddenly turned into anger, great, I did have quite a few mood swings lately.

Even though I thought that I hadn't done anything, at least yet, to make him realize my mood swing, he somehow had. He looked at me cautiously, as if not sure what to say next.

"So – why are you actually here?" Anthony asked me, carefully observing my reaction to his question.

"It's – it's rather complicated" I answered, not willing to tell him about my life. In an attempt to draw the attention from me, I simply threw the question back at him. "So, what's your reason for being here then?"

"Rather complicated as well" he said, obviously no more willing to tell me than I was to tell him. Great. Let's call it a stalemate.

We walked on through the forest for a few more minutes, neither of us saying a word. However, it wasn't an awkward silence, but, strangely enough, rather comforting. We were both caught up in our own thoughts, and neither wanted to disturb the other.

Much to my own surprise, I was the one to finally break the silence. "So, how long are you planning on staying here?" I asked him.

"I'm not sure yet, depends on how _things _develop", Anthony replied. Things, right. Well, not that I was more open about my concerns, so I was hardly to be mad at him. Anthony had obviously come to the conclusion, that it would be no use to ask me the same question, and he was right, I would have probably answered in a manner quite similar to his.

"So", he finally asked "whenever you're going, where will you be heading back to?" This question rather took me by surprise, I hadn't expected it, and that's probably I answered without even thinking.

"Ireland", I said.

"Ireland?", he repeated, his eyebrows shooting up. He looked at me surprised, shocked even. "Well, I should have guessed from Liam's accent, shouldn't I?"

I laughed. Yeah, Liam was always talking in a quiet broad Irish accent. It had taken me quite some time to become adapted to it.

"So, how come you moved there?", Anthony asked curiously.

I opened my mouth, about to answer, when his question sunk in. Moved! He had asked why I had moved. How did he know I had moved at all.

Anthony seemed to realize his mistake the same moment I did. "I mean, you don't have an Irish accent, you sound rather American to me." True enough, yet I still didn't trust him completely.

"Yeah, I actually was born in America" I replied. I stopped myself, realizing that I was giving much more information away when I had wanted to. I bit my lip, inwardly slapping myself for not being more cautious. But it just felt so right to trust him. Yet I could not – should not trust him.

I suddenly turned around, realizing that I was moving on dangerous territory. My mind was screaming for me to trust this man, yet there was this one last, rational part that told me to do the opposite.

"I – I have to go back", I said, wanting to get away from him as soon as possible. I had to sort my own thoughts out. How come I felt so drawn to him.

He did not question me, but silently followed me back to my house. In there, I at once went up to my room. I could feel his worried glance follow me. I hopped onto the large bed, confused. Who was this guy? If only Liam were back yet, I really needed someone to talk to about this whole mess.

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**Claire's POV**

No one even really noticed when Alice blacked out. We all knew that she was just having one of her visions again. However, as she recovered, she screamed out loud, sure for every one of us to hear.

"What's wrong, love?", Jasper asked who was the first to be by her side.

"It's Edward! And Bella. I mean, he's found her. She's still alive." She was nearly jumping up and down in excitement now. Bella, her best friend was alive.

"How so?", Rose inquired. "I always knew she had it in her" Emmet cried out in joy, embracing Rose in one of his bear hugs. Rose looked both pleased and angry at him, since he had once again managed to destroy her carefully prepared hairstyle.

"I – I don't know. I just know she's alive" Alice squeezed. "And that she hasn't aged and by the looks of it, she's become a vampire. Though something's strange." She now wrinkled her nose, recalling what she had just seen.

"Edward, he did not introduce himself as Edward, but as Anthony. For some reason or another, she did not remember him!"

We all sat down in the living room and the others animatedly started to discuss what could have happened, all over the moon to find out that Bella was alive.

I didn't really listen to their conversation but was rather busy with my own, selfish thoughts. For them, Bella's reappearance meant winning back an old friend. For me, it meant losing the only person who had been in the same situation as me, the only one who had fully understood what I felt. And I feared that Edward would now be far too busy with Bella to remember me, to talk to me. I knew it was a selfish thought, but I couldn't help it.


End file.
